My mother-in-law consistently overlooks my contributions despite my unwavering efforts

I am 42 years old, my husband is 44, and we reside with his elderly parents, who are both 86. We have been married for 18 years. Each month, my husband allocates VND12-13 million (US$488-$528) for household expenses, while he spends around VND5 million on personal expenses.

My husband is the youngest of nine siblings. My in-laws do not receive a pension and maintain a savings of VND400 million for emergency medical costs, which is managed by a sister of my husband who lives a five-minute motorbike ride away.

Three years ago, my life became more challenging when my father-in-law fell gravely ill, prompting me to halt my business and dedicate myself to his full-time care. During this period, one to three relatives would visit daily, often scrutinizing and criticizing, making me feel constantly judged and compelling me to minimize interactions with them, appearing only when absolutely necessary.

Recently, with my father-in-law’s health stabilized and my return to business, I was left feeling overwhelmed and doubtful of my capabilities, even though I am regarded as cheerful and quick-witted in social settings.

Besides, I am consistently met with criticism and feel no warmth from my in-laws, particularly my mother-in-law, despite that on the three annual worship ceremonies and on holidays, I rise early to shop and prepare meals. Daily, I also manage all household chores, including market visits, cooking, dishwashing, and house tidying, ensuring everything is in place before I open my store around 10 a.m. I delay opening earlier to prevent my mother-in-law from encountering difficulties during cleanup.

Despite my dedication, my mother-in-law remains unappreciative and suspicious that I am taking her son’s earnings. My in-laws prefer my husband to manage everything in my family, frequently giving money to his siblings for their construction projects or financial needs, despite their financial stability.

Unlike the other wives of my husband’s brothers who seem to charm and please my parents-in-law, I lack the ability to ingratiate myself with others. When they bring gifts like fish or soup, my mother-in-law visibly brightens, while my daily contributions are overlooked.

As my affection for my mother-in-law has faded, this morning, when she felt dizzy, I continued setting up my store instead of attending to her as I would have before. Yet, I am wracked with guilt for not providing her the care I offer my own mother, who I would never hesitate to nurse back to health, regardless of the circumstances. I am conflicted about my duties and seek guidance on how to properly fulfill my role as a daughter-in-law.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?