My in-laws don’t want to see us as we purchase a new home

My husband and I, both 29, have been married for a year. We met in our final university year and maintained a long-distance relationship for five years after he moved back to his hometown for work. During this time, his parents enforced a strict rule that he must return home by 9 p.m.

After we married, I left my life in Ho Chi Minh City, including my job and friends, to live in his hometown and arranged to work remotely.

Before we were married, I had visited his parents’ home enough to know they were very particular. They would inspect the floors after mopping for any remaining dust and expected the house to be mopped one or two times daily. They also insisted that the foot mat should not fold at the corners, and the slippers had to be cleaned after use. Knowing their exacting standards, I expressed to my husband the need for us to live separately after our wedding for everyone’s comfort. He agreed but suggested we initially live with his parents for a few months.

Our time living with his parents went smoothly at first, as they were friendly, and life was simple. I assisted with chores like cooking and washing dishes, though I couldn’t join the early morning cleaning due to the early hours my mother-in-law preferred.

After moving out to a rental and later to our own house, we maintained peaceful relations by visiting them on weekends. However, the dynamic changed when we decided to buy our house instead of renting after our landlord needed their property back. Our new home is 5 kilometers from his parents’ place and nearly 30 kilometers from my parents’. We financed this with our savings and some loans from both families.

The trouble began the day we moved in. His parents showed up, insisted on rearranging our things, and even criticized the direction of the bed placement in our bedroom. They complained about how I intended to arrange simple things like the trash bin and the mirror, and scolded us for my decisions on where to place furniture and what items to purchase, claiming I was wasting money, even though I used my own funds.

Tensions peaked on the fourth morning in our new home. I was out, and my husband washed his breakfast dishes. His parents berated him upon seeing this, questioning why he was doing chores and warning him that I was taking advantage of him. They even chastised a friend who visited us because they believed it was bad luck for strangers to enter the home within the first four days.

My mother-in-law’s frustration escalated, and she openly blamed me for their son having to move out and buy an expensive home. She critiqued my housekeeping skills and scorned my choice to work from cafés.

When they were leaving, I tried to make peace by reaching out to my mother-in-law, but she pulled away. They refused to stay for dinner, even though my parents were visiting. The next day, when my husband called them, his father answered and his mother refused to speak to us, claiming she did not want to see us because I had led her son astray.

My husband is distressed, feeling torn between his loyalty to me and his mother’s disapproval. For me, as long as I maintain respect and meet my responsibilities as a daughter-in-law, that should be sufficient.

My husband wants to have a child immediately, but he insists that after birth, we should move back with his parents. I said if we had to stay with parents, I would prefer that we live with my own parents. Also, I’m hesitant about having a child right now due to my mild depression, which I fear could worsen under these stressful conditions.

What should I do now?