Blocking parents on social media, a growing trend among young people

This was not the first time Thu faced parental disapproval over her social media posts. Six months ago her mother took a taxi to Hanoi from Thai Binh Province (around 110 km) in the middle of the night after coming across Thu’s post that said: "The baby is not okay today, everything is getting worse."

"The baby" was Thu herself. That is how she refers to herself when she is feeling down, but the post made her mother think Thu was pregnant and had concealed it from the family.

After a day of intense interrogation and checking, her mother was finally reassured and returned home.

Thu has since contemplated blocking her mother on social media but was forbidden and chided for being "unfilial." However, after reading her father’s comment about her skirt, Thu is resolved to cut off her parents from her social media entirely.

Thu blocked her parents on Facebook to gain freedom and avoid adult scrutiny. Photo courtesy of Thu

According to Nguyen Thi Nga, also known as Nga Sinh, a sex education teacher on Vietnamese online learning platform Hocmai, it is common for children to block their parents on social media and it occurs across all age groups.

In a survey by VnExpress, 55% of respondents reported doing this.

Nga believes this is because children want to protect themselves from their parents’ scrutiny and have a place to express themselves without being judged, scolded or criticized by adults. This often stems from parents’ excessive control and failure to listen to their children, regardless of whether what they are saying is good or bad, right or wrong.

Parents’ refusal to listen, judgmental attitudes, and behind-the-back comments also create discomfort and a defensive mindset in children, she adds.

Quoc Tuan of Hai Phong sees blocking his parents on social media as a normal thing. To him, social media is a place to fully express himself, including negativity and sadness.

Last month, after watching a sad movie, Tuan posted a photo of himself with teary eyes. Moments later his mother called, worriedly asking what was wrong. She did not believe his explanations, and said he was hiding something.

"I realized that minor feelings young people have can sometimes seem very serious to adults," Tuan says.

Not wanting his parents to worry about his mood swings, he decided to block them.

Dr Nguyen Thi Dao Luu, a psychology lecturer at Van Lang University in HCMC, observes that many young people want to express their opinions frankly but parents want their children to "behave properly."

Many young people also fear their parents tagging them in or sharing embarrassing moments, she says.

"Young people turn to social media for entertainment, to break free from restrictive boundaries, and to express their individuality," the expert states.

"Being followed or even controlled by parents [there] makes them feel stifled and constrained."

This could even spark conflicts between various generations in a family, she warns.

Thu believes blocking her parents on social media prevents them from "worrying blindly."

"My parents do not understand young people, and so they will judge me as a bad person whenever they see me dressed in skimpy outfits or wearing heavy makeup," she explains.

"Also, whenever I post travel photos, they advise me to save money for the future. Instead of arguing with them, blocking is much more convenient."

Her mother’s strong opposition to being blocked was due to her belief that her daughter must be doing something shady and not want her parents to know.

For Thu, the relationship between her and her parents is like parallel lines that see each other but never intersect.

Luu understands the sentiments of young people like Thu and says if they are allowed to express themselves and respected, they will be more comfortable befriending their parents on social media.

Conversely, without understanding, when got blocked by their children, the parents may feel hurt.

To avoid disputes and hurt feelings, parents should respect the privacy of their children on social media and not interfere with what their children post, what photos they share or what comments they make, she says.

"If possible, offer considerate suggestions rather than correcting them directly on social media."

Nga adds that while parents may want to bridge the generation gap by connecting on social media, there should be limits to avoid infringing on their children’s privacy if they do not want to get blocked.

In cases where parents force their children to unblock them, like in the case of Thu’s mother, the latter may lash out or agree but create alternative accounts, she says.

The most important thing is for parents to adjust their reactions, show respect for their children’s privacy and not interfere in their online activities with friends.

If necessary, parents can create secondary accounts to silently follow their children’s social media accounts and intervene if their children engage with unhealthy content.

"Instead of being overbearing, show respect," Nga tells parents. "Only respect and trust from parents can keep children from doing harmful things to themselves."