My ex-husband takes nearly $400 I had saved for emergencies

We’d been married for just four months. Before the wedding, my ex-husband promised to give me his entire salary, saying his parents were willing to finance the wedding. Eventually, they gave us VND200 million, of which VND155 million went towards jewelry, with the remainder covering other expenses. Any shortfall was covered by borrowing from his elder sister. My parents covered more than half of the wedding costs and also gave us VND50 million as a wedding gift, but my husband used it all to pay back his sister.

After the wedding, he used all the money his family gifted him to settle his debt to his sister. I was aware he didn’t have much for the wedding but agreed to marry him out of love. He had bought a small house a few years ago, so we don’t need to worry about housing. My family has a home too, but he refuses to live there. My mother even suggested renovating it so we could move in and rent out his place to earn some extra money, but he declined.

At the wedding, my husband mentioned he had exhausted his savings, with his parents even using their retirement funds to help. He then asked if I could send VND2 million to his parents, promising to handle it himself the following month. Before our wedding, he sent money to his parents independently, but now he says he’s short and needs my help. I agreed, thinking that, since I supported the wedding costs, this small amount was no issue. I thought he would eventually share his salary to manage our finances together, but he later said we’d keep them separate. I feel trapped.

He owns a house and has a monthly salary of VND10 million, the same as mine. I suggested we save together, with each of us contributing VND3-4 million monthly to prepare for the future, especially when we have children. But he refused, saying we should keep our finances separate and live comfortably. He talks big but doesn’t follow through. Being married to him feels like living with a roommate. I dislike the lack of shared responsibility.

With no money left after the wedding, we couldn’t afford a honeymoon. I suggested a trip to Thailand, offering to use some of the wedding gift money from my mother, but he dismissed it, saying, "What’s in Thailand? If we go, we should go to Japan."

I stayed quiet, letting it pass. I didn’t ask for much, not even a local trip, yet he had such high expectations.

The following month, when it was time to send money to his parents again, I reminded him to give me VND1 million, and I would add the rest. He then brought up that his parents spent their retirement savings for the wedding, implying it was my duty to continue supporting them. I refused, which angered him, and he brought up the issue repeatedly in a sarcastic tone. Out of love and a desire to avoid conflict, I continued helping, hoping he could save more for us. I also handle his parents’ support, in addition to taking care of my own family.

I kept all the wedding gifts from my family, including money my parents gave me as dowry. I put the bulk of it into savings and kept VND20 million in a drawer for emergencies like childbirth or hospital visits. One day, I discovered that my husband had taken VND10 million from the drawer without a word. When I confronted him, he claimed he’d "forgotten to mention it."

If we weren’t married, taking someone else’s money like that would be considered theft. He said it was for his parents’ house repairs and a trip back to his hometown for a memorial, but none of it benefitted me. If finances are tight, he didn’t need to go himself but could have sent money to his family. His three sisters live in the city and didn’t even attend. He himself skipped these events in previous years.

Finding out he’d taken the money made me furious. I gathered all the money and gold my mother had given me and took it back to my parents’ house. I felt disrespected and deceived. When I left, he didn’t stop me but made sarcastic remarks, even suggesting a divorce. A week later, he came to apologize, saying the divorce talk was a joke. My parents urged me to forgive him.

But his apology felt insincere. He had promised to give me his salary, yet he hadn’t returned a penny of what he took. When I reminded him, he accused me of being overly focused on money. If he said he’d return it, he should. If being reminded hurts his pride, he should make it right on his own.

Although I help him send money to his parents, buy supplements, take him to restaurants, and cover household expenses, he takes it all for granted. He claims we should each manage our own money, but he keeps asking me to buy things without reimbursing me. Meanwhile, he spends his money on designer items, drinks, smoking, billiards, lottery tickets, and plants. I feel exhausted and unappreciated.

For this year’s Mid-Autumn Festival two months ago, I had planned to distribute 200 charity meals, requiring funds. I had already covered expenses for both sides of the family that month, sent VND2 million to his parents, and spent VND3 million on family gifts. Often, when I run low on money, I go without meals. Yet when he got his salary, he asked me to buy groceries. When I asked him for money, he didn’t give a single penny, instead blaming me.

I finally told him that he should manage sending money to his parents next month. He called me selfish, accusing me of only thinking of myself, asking where I thought I’d been "eating and sleeping." I married him out of love, ready to face hardships together, and I have my own home too—I’m not reliant on him.

My family is well-off, yet I’m treated this way. If I were poor, he’d likely look down on me even more. He can’t support his wife financially but still criticizes me. Every month, he finds a reason to argue, often dragging up unrelated past issues, leading to silent treatment that lasts half the month. He insists on having a child, but we barely have any intimacy, yet he suggests I use my savings for IUI and IVF treatments, despite us both being healthy. I refused, and my family advised us to wait a year. He got angry, neglecting me both emotionally and physically.

I bought him supplements, but he’s too lazy to take them, and blames me, saying I don’t care enough. He compares me to other wives, criticizing me for not being as attentive. He even compares my menstrual pains to his sisters’, as if I should silently bear them. He can’t take care of his own wife, and when my family asked who would care for a child, he vaguely said "Mom will take care of it," without clarifying whose mother he meant. If I’m meant to manage everything alone, why do I need a husband?

When I stopped sending money to his parents, he demanded a divorce. Instead of speaking to me, he had his sister handle it. She came over and locked all the doors, demanding repayment of VND200 million she said was a loan, despite having previously labeled it a "wedding gift." To keep the peace, I returned jewelry worth VND155 million and left empty-handed.

Now I understand why his first marriage lasted only six months. My family and I trusted and helped him, only to end up hurt. Each month has brought more tears. I tried my best, but they never appreciated it. This time my family agrees that reconciliation isn’t worth it, and I agreed to a divorce without hesitation.

Was I truly so terrible that my marriage ended like this?