Giving $20 as wedding gift is too little, but $40 is too much

Newlyweds receive a red envelop from guests. Illustration photo by Pexels

Every year, I feel stressed seeing wedding invitations pile up. For acquaintances I’m not close with, it’s simpler—I can send a gift in advance without attending. But for people I know better, skipping the event isn’t an option.

This gets even more challenging when the wedding is held in upscale venues or hotels in prime locations. If I attend and bring a VND500,000 envelope, I worry it won’t reflect the cost of the banquet. On the other hand, giving VND1 million feels beyond my means.

Of course, no one gifts an unusual amount like VND700,000 or VND800,000, so each time I get a wedding invitation, I feel anxious, wondering how to balance my gift with the occasion.

Reader TuongVi

The above comment was shared on an article discussing how many Vietnamese see attending weddings as a costly commitment.

In a survey by VnExpress of 4,000 readers on how they decide on wedding gifts, 49% said they stick to the "standard" amount, giving what is commonly expected. Meanwhile, 41% said they adjust based on their finances at the time.

Other readers shared their perspectives:

Reader Minh

"In my view, for casual acquaintances or coworkers, I give an amount within my means, aiming to meet the average but not exceeding VND500,000 (unless they’re very close). After all, I’m there to congratulate the couple, not to cover the party’s cost. I can’t afford to attend lavish weddings and then go home eating instant noodles because I overspent on gifts."

Reader Luc Binh Trang

"If I earn between VND10 and VND30 million monthly, I’ll give VND500,000. If I make VND100 million, then I’ll give VND1 million. That’s the norm in major cities, though lower in rural areas. For close friends, I might double that. For relatives, I might even triple or quadruple it.

But if I earn only VND10-20 million and feel pressured to give VND1 million, that’s excessive. Honestly, with VND500,000, two people could enjoy a full meal at a restaurant."

Reader Thanh Truc

"I’m not wealthy, but when attending a close friend’s wedding, regardless of the venue, I always give VND2 million. Giving only VND1 million for a close friend would feel strange. Even for their child’s birthday, held at home, I’d give VND1 million. For a baby’s one-month celebration, I’d give VND2 million, even if I attended alone.

While I sometimes feel the weight of these expenses, I don’t expect them to reciprocate. I just feel that attending means covering my own meal."

Reader Trungtuyen

"The host decides on a lavish or simple wedding based on their own plans. For instance, a businessperson inviting wealthy guests might host a luxurious reception, expecting high-value monetary gifts. For friends with regular jobs, they’ll give what they can, as the host likely knows who will give what.

If most guests are close friends or family without significant wealth, the celebration should be simpler. Choosing a high-end venue means the hosts should be ready to cover any shortfall.

In my view, guests should gift according to their own capacity and goodwill, as their presence alone is a joy to the hosts. There’s no need to stress about matching the meal’s cost with the gift."