Lavish weddings pressure guests to give costly gifts

"With such a luxurious setup, gourmet dishes, and even live performances, a gift of at least VND1 million is necessary to avoid a loss," the 25-year-old office worker explains.

When attending weddings held at home she often gives a gift of VND500,000. But at fancy venues, she increases it to VND700,000-1 million. "This is too high but needed to avoid embarrassment."

She gets a salary of less than VND10 million (USD$394), but three to four wedding invitations a month. This means she has to depend on her parents to cover her living expenses, she says.

Most of her friends and colleagues agree that attending weddings has become costly, and puts pressure on guests.

Many feel that attending weddings has become expensive, placing added pressure on guests. Illustrative photo by Pexels

Hoang Ha, 60, a retiree in HCMC gives VND500,000 if she attends a wedding and VND300,000 (USD$11.83) if she cannot, and says these are reasonable amounts that do not upset her budget but do not cause a loss for the host.

Last week she attended the wedding of a friend's child at a luxury hotel. Her group of retirees initially agreed to stick with their usual VND500,000 gift, but by the event's end decided to add an extra VND500,000. Despite not being happy, Ha reluctantly fell in line with the decision.

The start of this year’s wedding season has sparked discussions online about the burden of wedding gifts and the concept of "market-priced weddings," especially as guests feel pressured to meet expectations when attending lavish ceremonies.

Many agree that the increase in wedding gift cost is far higher than the inflation rate and becoming out of reach for most.

To avoid breaking their budgets, many simply do not attend weddings. "Every year I receive over a dozen wedding invitations, and if the gift money only increases and never decreases, no salary will be enough," a user named Van Tien wrote on social media.

A survey by VnExpress of 4,000 readers in early October on how they typically give wedding gifts found 49% preferring to follow the "common standard," giving an amount similar to what others do, while 41% adjust their gift amount based on their financial situation at the time.

But couples hosting wedding parties are also under intense financial pressure, an insider says. Thanh Loan, who works at a wedding venue in Hanoi, says: "The increase in gift amounts still doesn't cover the growing costs of hosting a wedding."

In the past few years the costs have steadily increased, she says. Five years ago the average cost of a dinner table for 10 guests at a wedding was VND3-3.5 million ($118-137), and this has risen by 25-30%, she says.

"A modest wedding table now costs around VND4 million, and there are additional costs for decorations and entertainment. Most families opt for tables priced at VND5-7 million ($197- 275.9)."

Many families also spend extra on luxurious decorations costing VND200-500 million, she says.

"If each guest gifts VND1 million, a wedding may just about break even."

Anthropologist and former lecturer at the Vietnam National University, Nguyen Hung Vi, says in Vietnamese culture wedding gifts are rooted in mutual support and symbolize good wishes and financial assistance to help the newlyweds embark on married life.

In Vietnamese culture, wedding gifts represent best wishes and financial support for the newlyweds. Illustrative photo by Pexels

Gifts have also changed across generations. During the subsidy period a few decades ago, couples received essential items like pots, vacuum flasks, and cups. As life improved, people started giving gifts of money.

According to Vi, the amount of wedding gifts reflects the bond, social standing and financial situation of both the hosts and guests.

To avoid turning weddings into high-cost events that benefit neither, Hanoi anthropologist and former lecturer at the Academy of Journalism and Communication, Dr. Nguyen Anh Hong, advises young couples to hold intimate ceremonies that focus on family and close friends.

As for guests, she says they should consider their relationship with the wedding couple and their own financial status to decide whether to attend and how much to give.

In case they are unable to attend, notifying the hosts in advance helps avoid unnecessary expenses.

Last year, instead of hosting a grand wedding, Viet Anh, 28, of Hai Phong and his wife held a small gathering for family and close friends, simply sending congratulatory congratulations to others.

They made this decision after getting a quote of VND7 million per table. "Had we organized a huge ceremony, we would have been saddled with debt, and our guests would not have felt comfortable either," Anh says.