Parents refuse to financially help me buy land because I already own $114,000 home

I, 33, and my husband, 38, bought our first house in Ho Chi Minh City for VND3 billion (US$114,000) in 2019, when our two children were still very young. It was our reward for three years of saving from scratch.

When we bought the house, my career was going well and we also borrowed VND600 million from the bank to be repaid over 10 years. We managed to pay off the entire loan in just two years, even accepting a 2% prepayment penalty.

Once the housing pressure was off, my husband quit his salaried job to focus on business while I continued freelancing. Our income is not as high as it once was, but it is enough to get by and even save a little.

Everyone knows that I am hard-working and eager to learn. Even after getting married, I still covered most of the household expenses. My husband previously earned about VND15 million a month in an office job. He later started his own business, which now brings in VND20-30 million in its best months, with VND10 million going toward our household budget and the rest reinvested. His business is mediocre and he is not very ambitious, but I do not ask much of him since I can still support us financially.

For the last year or so I have been earning around VND200 million a month, sometimes even higher, from a new job. In the past, whenever my income increased, I would share it with my parents. They knew that I was hard-working and had supported me on numerous occasions, including lending me money, all of which I always repaid in full. I believed that their support had been part of the push that helped me achieve what I have today.

They were very happy at first to hear of my new salary. However, when I told them I was planning to buy more land and needed their help, they refused.

"Now that you are earning money, sort it out by yourself. We are getting older and want to keep money for our retirement," they said.

I understand and respect their decision, of course, but I cannot help feeling somewhat disappointed that they now seem indifferent despite having often helped me in the past. They also used to turn down money that I gave them, yet now they accept everything.

I began to ask myself whether relatives unconsciously change the way they treat you once you start earning money. They do not tell me outright but I can feel the growing distance with my extended family. Even though I am not the eldest, I have gifted them money a few times a year, each time around a few million dong. I just thought that if I had some, I should share without keeping tabs.

But gradually, discussions about money no longer brought the same warmth as before. I even feel that they are not happy to hear me talk about my business doing well or my income. Hence, I no longer bring up those topics. I only help out within my means if someone is struggling and personally asks for support.

I have been thinking a lot about whether I was too honest with my family about my income. I felt more loved when I had nothing and more alone when I had money to stand firm on my own. I used to remind myself to get rich before my parents grew old but now that I am better off, my familial ties do not feel the same anymore.

Perhaps maturing is not only about how much money you make but also about learning when to stay silent, keeping just the right distance and accepting that not everyone will be happy when you do better.

*This opinion was submitted by a reader. Readers’ views are personal and do not necessarily match VnExpress’ viewpoints.