I get depressed because of my in-laws

My husband and I have been married for over four years. We met when I applied for a job at a company owned by his second sister and her South Korean husband. His family includes his parents, his two elder sisters, and him.

During our dating period, I got to know all his family members, and they seemed to like me, so I thought there wouldn’t be many conflicts after marriage. However, his two sisters turned out to be stubborn and difficult. They caused their parents distress during their school years, didn’t take education seriously, and insisted on marrying early—only to end up with husbands who were into gambling and even addiction.

Due to their lack of proper education, my sisters-in-law struggled to secure stable jobs, and their marriages fell apart within just over two years. After remarrying foreigners, their burdens didn’t ease. They preferred socializing over working, relied on their husbands for financial support, borrowed money recklessly without repaying it, and lost credibility to the point where relatives now avoid them.

My parents-in-law gave each of their children a plot of land, and now my sisters-in-law’s houses are built right next to ours. I thought living close would foster family warmth and support, but that wasn’t the case.

My husband’s eldest sister spends all her time socializing. Since she doesn’t have children, she leads a carefree, destructive lifestyle with no thought for the future. My parents-in-law are now extremely disappointed and act as though she doesn’t exist. She hasn’t even bothered to learn basic foreign language skills to communicate with her husband. In the four years since we’ve been married, her husband has only returned twice, each time for about a week, making it seem like they are practically separated.

She never helps out with anything, whether for her parents or us, and only reaches out when she needs money. She won’t even pick up the phone for family events, like dinner gatherings.

My husband’s second sister co-founded a family business with her husband and has three children, one of whom is from her first marriage. She stays at home to care for the children but frequently leaves them with my mother-in-law to go out for social gatherings.

While she isn’t as reckless as her eldest sister, her husband is controlling and holds all financial and business authority. His poor management led them into nearly VND2 billion (US$79,036) of debt, taken under my mother-in-law’s name. Their business is failing, causing significant marital strife, which has led to their separation. Her husband has taken two of their children back to his country, leaving her to handle the substantial debt alone.

My father-in-law is domineering and hot-tempered. Everything must be done his way. He favors men over women and constantly scolds my mother-in-law, often making derogatory remarks about women. This, coupled with his daughters’ lack of life skills, negatively affects the family atmosphere. While he criticizes his daughters, it’s always behind their backs, with my mother-in-law, my husband, and me as his audience.

He enjoys drinking and frequently meets up with friends, consuming liters of alcohol daily despite having diabetes, which the family warns him against to no avail. He’ll sit at the tavern for two or three rounds, and when called home for meals, he insists on having one more half glass. Unfortunately, after drinking, he blasts loud music and falls asleep, oblivious to the household’s need for quiet, whether it’s midday or late at night. If someone asks him to turn the volume down, he’ll turn it up even louder.

He wakes up early because he doesn’t sleep much anymore, turning on the TV or speakers around 4 or 5 a.m., disturbing my husband’s and my sleep. He’s also extremely picky about food, insisting on specific spices for certain dishes. If a meal isn’t to his liking, he’ll ask "What is this dish? It’s all over the place," curse, and demand that the food be thrown out before finishing it.

My in-laws’ house is in the city, and while we live comfortably, meal preparation is exhausting. When it’s time to eat, my father-in-law comes to the dining table, scans the dishes, and if he finds something he likes, he says nothing. If not, his face darkens, and he starts complaining. My mother-in-law has tolerated this behavior for nearly 40 years, but now she retorts whenever he says something unreasonable. Neither of them backs down, and as a result, family meals are rarely cheerful.

My father-in-law often returns home upset after something displeases him elsewhere and takes out his anger on his wife and children. He holds grudges and fusses over minor issues that he cannot let go of.

Despite all this, my husband and I have a strong relationship. We are affectionate and have similar personalities, making us a good match—so much so that others are envious. For the past two years, my husband has worked at a company with regular hours, and I have also just started working at a company near our home.

Living with my husband’s family has been overwhelming. I was pregnant once but miscarried and currently don’t have any children.

Now, I’m unsure how long I can endure this situation. What should I do?