My wife holds grudge against my mother after being scolded following her miscarriage

We are both 42 years old, with a three-year-old child, and have only found happiness in our family life since our child was born. We got married when we were 30 and struggled for years to have children until, at 35, we discovered that I was the cause. I have been drinking socially since I was young, but it is unclear if that contributed to our fertility issues. Our doctor advised us to attempt IVF as soon as possible while my wife still had viable eggs, given her age. However, we had just taken out a bank loan to build our house at the time.

Upon learning of our situation, my wife’s family gifted us VND100 million (US$3,924) for IVF, and we managed to save the rest ourselves. The first IVF attempt was unsuccessful, and my wife was devastated. We kept trying and succeeded on our third attempt, but she miscarried at eight weeks.

The day of her miscarriage, life had just returned to normal post-Covid. My wife went to the hospital, but only her younger sister could take the day off to accompany her. My mother and sister merely called to inquire about her, citing fear of catching a disease at the hospital for their absence. I was tied up with a work meeting and could only reach the hospital in the evening. My wife was very distressed, and in the days that followed, she took leave from work and was diagnosed with depression, for which she was prescribed medication. During this time, she blamed me and lashed out verbally, which I understood but found increasingly exhausting amid work pressures and her criticisms at home. My mother told my wife that if she wanted to divorce, she should.

My wife’s parents then loaned us more money and encouraged my wife to cheer up for our future child. Thanks to that, we attempted IVF again and were blessed with our son. My family did not support us during this time.

For the past few years, my wife has cut off contact with my family, and my son does not know his paternal relatives. At his full-month celebration and first birthday, my mother came, ate her fill, and left without giving any gifts, unlike my wife’s relatives who gave clothes or money.

My relatives advise me to forgive and forget since my parents are my family, and my son is still their grandchild. They suggest he should visit my parents, but my wife disagrees. In the past three years, my mother has never asked about my son, claiming it’s because she’s poor and doesn’t have money, which only makes my wife more resentful and unwilling to let her see our son, further increasing the distance between them.

Several times my sister has suggested I send money to help our parents because they don’t have jobs, are currently sick, and need medicine, while my sister also has no money, and my brother-in-law earns only VND5-6 million a month. I’m unsure how to approach this topic with my wife, given our debts to my in-laws and the costs of raising our child. Additionally, since she stopped working, the only income we have is what she earns from her online business, which barely covers our daily expenses.

What should I do?