My in-laws constantly compare me to others

By Hong Ngoc   June 11, 2024 | 09:21 pm PT
Despite the fact that I have treated my in-laws with the same care and attention as my own parents, they still see me as an outsider, which is disheartening.

My husband and I have been married for seven years and have two children, the older of whom has just begun preschool. We are still grappling with financial challenges, including debts from a bank loan for our house.

As the primary breadwinner, I also support my husband financially by investing in his business. Although he has only recently begun earning a stable income, it has not yet offset the amount I invested.

My parents are business owners with pensions and are more financially secure than my in-laws, who are farmers but show little interest in their work. My father-in-law, who has been active socially in our hometown for years, typically spends his earnings on social activities, saving nothing for his old age.

I strive to equally support both my parents and my in-laws, even often purchasing more for my in-laws due to their financial situation. While my parents decline my gifts, knowing our financial struggles, they have also financially assisted my husband and me in purchasing land. Conversely, my in-laws have not helped financially, and I have had to fund renovations for their home.

Despite this, my father-in-law believes I favor my parents, leading him to make unfavorable comparisons.

Our children are young and frequently sick. My husband’s company trips leave me alone with them, during which I ask my mother-in-law for help. However, she often declines, citing the inconvenience or fear of catching an illness.

When I chose to marry my husband, I was warned by relatives about his family’s poor conditions. But as a Buddhist, I felt that being able to help others when I am capable is a blessing, so I proceeded with the marriage. Now, I find it increasingly burdensome and exhausting.

Despite my efforts, my in-laws continue to criticize and compare me to other daughters-in-law who provide more financial support or even build houses for their in-laws. They show little consideration for their son, who works hard outdoors in all weather and lives in an aging, flood-prone house. I’ve noticed them being deceitful and secretive several times as well, but I’ve tried to overlook these issues.

Recently, my husband’s older sister moved back in with my in-laws, leading them to complain about their decaying house and suggest constructing a new one, asking for financial support from me. Given our ongoing loan payments, their requests make me uncomfortable.

What should I do?

go to top