My in-laws come to my parents’ home to criticize me

I am 30 years old, reasonably attractive, and hold a stable job that pays VND12 million (US$472) monthly. My husband, who also has a stable job, earns less than I do. We have been married for 10 years and live with four generations of his family, leading to frequent conflicts. However, I do not hold onto grievances and quickly move past disagreements.

My husband, on the other hand, pays close attention to family dynamics, tends to be patriarchal, and consistently heeds his parents’ advice. He has never opposed them. He has suffered from a chronic illness since childhood, which has weakened him, but I have always been supportive and never complained.

Recently, cohabiting with my in-laws has become increasingly draining, pushing me to my stress limit. My husband and I contemplated moving out to live on our own, seeking a peaceful environment to focus on raising our children. We proposed the idea of building a small house near my in-laws’ to maintain closeness and convenience for familial support. They rejected this idea, suggesting instead that we rent a place or live independently on their house’s second floor, which we found impractical, so we opted to rent.

Upon securing a rental and just before signing the lease, we informed my in-laws of our decision to move the following month. They responded dismissively: "Do whatever you want."

However, the next evening, they visited my parents’ home to voice their grievances, telling me to permanently leave and not consider returning. During this visit, my mother-in-law leveled unfounded criticisms against me in front of my relatives, berating me for my supposed lack of work ethic, even though I earn more than my husband. This prompted calls from my relatives inquiring about the situation.

Faced with my in-laws’ hostility, my husband dropped the idea of moving out. I expressed my frustrations to him, but he sided with his parents, insisting that I conform because he is the family head. This has left me so infuriated and disheartened that I am contemplating divorce as an escape from the tumult, but the thought of leaving my two children restrains me. Our 12-year-old son is bright and active, while our younger daughter has mild autism, diagnosed at age two. She can now form simple sentences, though her comprehension remains limited. She was unable to start first grade this year, but with continued intervention, there is hope she might begin next year.

Since her diagnosis, I have felt an ongoing sadness, constantly worried about her future, as no one in my husband’s family is equipped to educate her. I work all day and spend my evenings teaching her, striving for her to have a less challenging future.

Should I consider divorce?