My father-in-law scolds me in front of my parents

I am 34 years old, living with my husband and five-year-old son in a house adjacent to my in-laws’. Although we have separate houses, we share the same yard and gate. My son’s birthday is approaching, and my husband and I planned to wait for his sibling to return before having a small family celebration.

However, my in-laws suggested inviting my parents and my younger brother’s family as well. While some might be pleased with this idea, I wasn’t thrilled. My father-in-law is strict, pays excessive attention to every word and action, and is often quick to judge others.

In the past, he reprimanded my younger brother for addressing him as "uncle" instead of "grandfather," claiming the pronoun was disrespectful and implying that it diminished his importance, adding many harsh words to his rebuke.

Two years ago, on my son’s birthday, my parents came over and joined us for dinner. After the meal, I gathered the dishes by the well but didn’t wash them immediately, as I was preparing some fruit and chatting with my parents. My father-in-law immediately scolded me for being lazy and inconsiderate.

Last year, on my son’s birthday, my parents arrived late, which led one of my husband’s sisters-in-law to criticize them in front of everyone, claiming they were always late and kept people waiting. My father-in-law also joined in, blaming my parents for the delay, even though my parents had previously explained that they needed to drop off two of their grandchildren at tutoring classes and wait for my younger brother and his wife to finish work before coming.

The situation has affected not just my parents but also my friends. Despite living with my in-laws for five years, my friends have only visited after I gave birth and once during the Tet Lunar New Year. On one occasion, when my husband’s friends came over for a meal, my father-in-law abruptly got upset, stood up from the table, refused to eat, and announced he would go to his brother’s house to eat instead. This incident made me tell my husband that I no longer wanted anyone to visit our house.

Adding context, I am the primary breadwinner in our family and not financially dependent on anyone, so I don’t feel obligated to tolerate such treatment. Still, I’m conflicted about whether I should directly ask my husband to stop his parents from inviting mine. I want to maintain a strong bond between both families, but I also don’t want my parents to keep enduring this unfair treatment.

What should I do?