My husband says my competence makes him feel insecure and cheat

I’m 33 years old and run my own company. My husband, who is 36, works as a technical staff. We were in love for nine years before getting married six years ago, and we were each other’s first love. We have a six-year-old daughter.

A month ago, I discovered that he had been having an affair with a coworker, who is four years older than him, for about three months. They had already become physically involved, calling each other affectionate names, and frequently engaged in intimate conversations. She often sent him explicit messages and provocative pictures.

In the past, I was haunted by the idea of infidelity, having seen others go through it. I told my husband many times that for me, cheating is the biggest sin in a marriage, and I would divorce him if it ever happened.

I also stood by him through everything. We’ve been together since university when we had nothing. When I married him, I overlooked his family’s financial struggles, his lack of career progress, and even his heart condition, which required surgery before we got married. He spent months in the hospital recovering, and I was there with him every step of the way.

What makes this even more painful is that while he was involved with her, we were planning to conceive our second child.

In terms of career, I’ve always been more fortunate and decisive than him. By the time we got married, I had saved enough to buy a house and a car, all with my own earnings, without help from either of our families. I’ve never demanded that he contribute more than he could. Even when he was unemployed and couldn’t contribute at all, I didn’t mind. Since he started working again, he’s been giving me VND5-7 million (US$201-$282) per month for family expenses, and I’m still happy with that.

Our life was peaceful. My mother helped care for our child and cooked for us, and we hired a weekly cleaner. On weekends, we spent time as a family, visiting parks or going on outings. My husband’s parents live 150 km away, so we visit them only on holidays or special occasions. Every year, we take both sides of the family on trips to strengthen our bonds.

I admit that I have prioritized my work, sometimes spending 10-14 hours a day at the office, especially during the startup phase of my business. I’m not great at housework, but I manage the shopping, cover all household expenses, ensure our child receives a good education, and save for our future. My husband and I also had a good sex life and seemed compatible in that area.

Before I found out about the affair, my husband appeared to be a caring husband and father. He always spoke highly of morals, valued his reputation, and took pride in being neat and orderly. I trusted him completely. When I confronted him, he seemed devastated and remorseful. To this day, he is still asking for a chance to reconcile. He claims the affair started when they were on a business trip, got drunk, and lost control. They had two more sexual encounters after that before he texted her saying that he wanted to end it. He says he was planning to quit his job before I found out.

I informed the woman’s husband about the affair. Honestly speaking, she is older and less attractive than me in real life. People often say I am cute and easy on the eyes. My husband says he deeply regrets his actions, admitting that he didn’t appreciate the life many people dream of—a loving family, no financial burdens, and a talented, beautiful wife. He begged for forgiveness, insisting it was a mistake.

Reading through their messages, I learned that the other woman frequently complained to my husband about her unhappy marriage. She said her wealthy husband was only putting up a facade, and she admired my husband for his professional skills. My husband also confessed that since I was the only person he had ever been with, he wanted to "experience something new."

I am devastated. I love my husband deeply, but he has hurt me beyond words. Every time I look at him, I can’t stop imagining him with her. He has moved out because I’ve been harsh, and I can’t bear to see him. I trusted and loved him, and his betrayal has left me shattered. Our child’s innocent questions like "Where did Dad go?" or "Mom, does Dad still love you?" break my heart. She even says "I want our family to be together again, all three of us sleeping together," and it kills me inside.

My husband has knelt down to apologize to both me and our child, and even to my parents, pleading for another chance. He quit his job and now works from home, giving me full access to his phone and accounts. However, I’m haunted by the saying that "cheating happens either never or countless times." I’m terrified that he might betray me again.

Should I forgive him?