My father-in-law claims I should have kneeled and begged my husband not to divorce

By Van Thuong   June 8, 2024 | 03:27 pm PT
When I chose to divorce and move out, my father-in-law criticized me, saying a proper wife would kneel and beg her husband not to divorce to keep their children’s parents together, unlike what I did.

My husband and I are parents to a two-year-old daughter, and I am currently 23 weeks pregnant with our second child.

My monthly income is VND30 million (US$1,181), while my husband earns over VND50 million. He allocates VND10 million monthly for children’s expenses and household utilities, which are between VND2-4 million. I cover all other family expenses myself.

My husband’s work hours extend from 8 a.m. to 8:30 p.m., and he works every day of the week. Throughout my pregnancy, he has not assisted with any household chores or cooking and has not accompanied me to any doctor’s appointments, despite complications that could have led to a miscarriage. He also rarely visits our first daughter, who lives with my parents in my hometown due to our demanding jobs, seeing her only once every six weeks.

Despite my pregnancy, I manage all domestic responsibilities. Even when I leave for work at 6:30 a.m. from our home and return at 7:30 p.m. every day, I still prepare his meals by 5 a.m. He dismisses these efforts and has complained to his mother about me being lazy on days when I’m too exhausted to cook.

We had an understanding that expenses above VND5 million would be jointly discussed, but he unilaterally decided to give his parents VND30 million monthly without my knowledge. When I confronted him, he dismissed my concerns about his financial decisions.

In my view, it’s acceptable for children to support their parents financially during tough times, but I am disappointed that he does not discuss these decisions with me, making me feel disconnected from his life and merely a titular wife.

Despite the challenges, I’ve always prioritized our family, enduring long commutes and ensuring our daughter is well-cared for at my parents’, believing that these sacrifices would secure a better future for us. I consistently fulfill my duties as a wife, often taking on both roles in our household.

However, my efforts are met with constant criticism from my mother-in-law, with my husband taking her side. This situation has left me wondering what I’ve done to deserve such treatment and whether I should continue to tolerate it silently.

During our disagreements, I have sometimes raised my voice, but I have never disrespected the elders in our family. In contrast, my husband, who is well-educated, resorts to swearing and has even been physically abusive towards me.

Ultimately, I could no longer bear the situation and decided to sign the divorce papers while pregnant. After that, my father-in-law remarked that I should have begged to prevent the divorce. The following day, when I went to collect my belongings, I discovered they had changed the locks, even though our divorce had not been finalized in court.

This response from my in-laws confirms their indifference to my husband’s mistreatment. The extent of my mother-in-law’s harshness from the birth of our first child until the divorce is too painful and extensive to detail, and throughout it all, I faced these challenges alone.

What are your thoughts on my situation?

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