Without a house or a car at 30, am I a failure?

I had just turned 30, an age tied to big expectations from everyone around me.

It seemed like they were all doing much better than me. Some bought homes, others drove new cars, and many had climbed the corporate ladder. Meanwhile, I was stuck in freelancing, earning an unstable income, and owning nothing of value.

The pressure from society and myself made me feel like a failure. I did not have a house, a car, and a decent savings account by 30, had I fallen so far behind my peers? Many nights, I lay awake wondering if it was too late to restart my career from scratch or if I simply needed to work even harder.

A stressed man is sitting in front of his laptop. Illustration photo by Pexels

On an online forum, I came across a thread about the "lying flat" movement. People shared thoughts like: "No house, no car, barely making ends meet, while everyone around me is succeeding. It’s overwhelming."

Many had given up and accepted defeat.

First, it was Gen Y, now Gen Z—both burdened by society's invisible expectations tied to the age of 30.

But my perspective changed a bit after listening to the stories of so-called "successful" people. One friend, who had seemingly made it, admitted the cost of success was exhaustion. They worked from morning to night, barely speaking to their spouse and often eating alone. They were afraid to have children, knowing they would not have time to care for them. Their weekends just meant more work.

Then I visited my hometown and saw a childhood friend who now raises ducks and goats. Every morning, he cuts grass for his animals. In the afternoons, he picks up his child from school and helps his wife cook dinner. During village gatherings like weddings and funerals, he lends a hand, drinks with the town elders, and enjoys their conversations. By 9 p.m., his whole family is fast asleep. Despite not living the "successful" lifestyle others expect, he is genuinely happy.

I realized happiness looks different for everyone. What seems small to one person might be deeply fulfilling to another. Why should success mean exhausting yourself to meet an arbitrary societal standard?

Why do young people today feel so anxious and envious? Because they constantly compare themselves to the bragging and flaunting on social media. This only brings them frustration and more anxiety.

I shared these thoughts with a friend who embraces a calmer, more spiritual lifestyle. He told me: "Live in a way that feels right and brings you happiness. In the end, life's true value is not in what you own but in what you experience and feel."