Why does no one want to make it official with me?

By Hanh An   June 19, 2023 | 08:21 pm PT
I really don't know why I have issues with relationships. I'm starting to isolate myself and don't want to get to know anyone anymore.

My first relationship after graduation was with someone five years older than me, who was also my boss and pursued me first. At first, he said he didn't want to make it public because we met in the workplace, and I naively believed him.

Later on, I discovered that he was a player and was dating two people at the same time. I was deeply hurt, but after a long period of self-torture, I gathered enough strength and left him. After that, I didn't date anyone for over two years. When he invited me to his wedding, I was sad and cried because I still had lingering feelings for him.

A year later, I met someone else. We started off as friends who happened to be in the same group, and gradually became closer and developed feelings for each other.

We spent a long time getting to know each other. Eventually, we both acknowledged our feelings and became romantically involved like a normal couple.

However, he never officially confessed his love for me, and even when we went out with friends, he introduced me as just a friend. I did some investigation and found out that he wasn’t in a relationship with anyone else.

I questioned him about it and he said that when he loves someone, he wants it to be a long-term commitment. However, he didn’t want to settle down early, so was afraid of tying me down. I found it very confusing.

If we love each other, why should we be afraid of planning our future? Because of this, I suggested ending the relationship. Initially, he tried to convince me to stay, but eventually he let me go.

After these two relationships, I have become skeptical of myself and others who try to pursue me. When I fall in love, I always devote all of my love and attention to my partner.

Regarding my two exes, I didn't enter into a relationship with them for money or any other reason, and we also came from the same backgrounds. I just wish for a genuine, understanding and long-term relationship. I don't have outstanding looks that can attract anyone at first glance.

After these relationships, there were a few people who wanted to get to know me, and at first I tried to open up, but then I started to doubt them and feared that history would repeat itself.

What can I do to change this cycle?

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