My wife is resistant to the idea of my mother visiting our home

By Thanh Trung   February 22, 2024 | 04:03 pm PT
Relying on my wife’s disposition towards my mother’s visits to our place is a situation I decidedly wish to avoid.

I am a 34-year-old dentist who works from home, and my wife is a 30-year-old secondary school teacher. We have a son who is four.

We live in Binh Duong province in the Southeast, while my mother-in-law resides in Binh Phuoc within the same region, and my mother lives in Hanoi with the family of my brother, following the death of my father.

The conversation about visits began when my mother-in-law expressed her plans to travel to her native Thanh Hoa in the North during the summer, intending to also visit my mother in Hanoi. She suggested my mother could spend a few days in the South, prompting my mother to propose a visit to our home to see her grandchild and to have a dental issue addressed by me before returning.

Upon discussing this with my wife, she objected, suggesting my mother could seek dental care elsewhere and questioned the necessity of her visit, citing travel costs and our tight finances. I explained that my mother would cover her travel expenses and wasn’t seeking financial support from us.

However, my wife continued to raise concerns about potential discord between her and my mother, as well as the difference in culinary preferences due to regional variations between the North and the South, among other issues.

Though I reassured her of my mother’s good health and the unlikelihood of her visit causing problems, I was still upset. My mother, who is elderly and mild-mannered, has never been critical of her daughters-in-law and is adaptable with food, content even with simple meals. She has cohabitated with my elder brother’s family for nearly two decades without incident.

I earnestly wish for my mother to visit us, as I have always strived to treat both my in-laws and my own family with fairness. I am seeking a solution to this dilemma.

What actions can I take?

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