My daughter refuses to fund my house purchase

By Phuong Ha   April 8, 2024 | 03:41 pm PT
Being denied by my younger daughter for a loan for a house purchase deeply saddened me, as I have dedicated my life to her and her sister, yet she withheld support when I needed it most.

At the age of 55, I’m married with two daughters. My husband and I embarked on a new chapter over two decades ago by moving from Central Vietnam to Ho Chi Minh City. We gradually acquired a house and a modest piece of land in the outskirts of the city. I bestowed our house upon my elder daughter when she was expecting her first child, who is presently a third grader. Conversely, my younger daughter ventured out on her own following her completion of grade 12.

My husband and I are running our business from a rented shop house which also doubles as our home. Overseeing the finances falls under my responsibility, a task my husband entrusts to me entirely. It fills me with gratitude and a hint of pride that, at our age, our venture thrives and our children are well-behaved. Both my in-laws and my family hold me in high esteem and admiration.

My sibling’s recent purchase of another house in Ho Chi Minh City inspired me to consider pausing our business endeavors after a year or two, potentially coinciding with my younger daughter’s marriage. The plan includes selling our suburban land to construct a modest residence in the countryside for my husband and me, while allocating the remaining funds for our retirement savings. This led to the realization that tightening our spending could be beneficial.

Furthermore, I have contemplated mortgaging our suburban land and seeking financial assistance from my younger daughter to acquire a new home, which would ultimately serve as a bequest to her. My proposition entailed retaining ownership of the new property to avoid potential issues with my future son-in-law.

Given my close relationship with my sibling, I sought their counsel to persuade my younger daughter into lending the money, thereby alleviating the burden of bank interest. This strategy also stems from the knowledge that my younger daughter has accumulated modest savings. As she is currently single, she is also free from significant familial financial obligations.

Nonetheless, her denial of my request, stating she had invested her savings elsewhere, deeply disheartened me, as it highlighted a stark contrast in temperament to her sister’s. Her reticence in sharing and the aloofness she exhibits towards our family members could possibly be attributed to her early independence, which might explain her difficulty in adhering to my wishes and recognizing the value of my efforts, even though she still occasionally visits for meals and ensures to present gifts to her sister’s children during birthdays and holidays.

Reflecting on the relationship between me and my younger daughter, in the period preceding the Covid pandemic, I borrowed nearly VND200 million from her to inject into my husband’s and my business, promising monthly repayments of VND4-5 million without interest.

Post-pandemic, our business saw a temporary stabilization. However, a situation arose where my younger daughter urgently required VND30 million, a request I could not fulfill due to lack of immediate funds. At the same time, when my elder daughter told me she wanted to borrow VND50 million for an urgent business need, I was willing to assist her. Upon my younger daughter’s awareness of this incident, it led to a noticeable decline in communication between her and me.

Additionally, when my elder daughter encountered a significant loss of nearly VND900 million in her business venture, I stepped in to clear the debt. My support extended further as I helped with her children, acknowledging the challenges of young motherhood. She reciprocates with obedience and openness.

Could these past grievances be the reason behind my younger daughter’s reluctance to assist? How can I bridge the gap and encourage her to reconnect with me more openly?

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