I'm insecure about my girlfriend

By Nghia   December 9, 2022 | 09:02 am PT
I met my girlfriend as a colleague working for our former employer. I didn't have much of an impression of her at first, but I didn't like her for any reason.

Then we went on a few dates to the movies and eventually even went traveling together. That's when I developed feelings for her and decided to pursue her seriously. We then dated for almost five years, and the whole time I tried and failed to get her to be my girlfriend. She relented after 5 years and finally agreed to officially become my girlfriend.

It’s worth mentioning that when things began between us, I was utterly desperate. I had no money and was stuck in a dead-end career, all the while spending all my free time caring for my sick father who had been a vegetable for years. When my new girlfriend accepted a struggling man like me, I really appreciate it. I thought she would bring me happiness. But things were not as they seemed.

Since becoming a couple, we've spent far less time together. We’ve seen each other 3 times over the last 2 months, even though we live only 12 km from each other. We only go out on special occasions, such as my birthday, or when her favorite movies are released.

I used to work with her, so I know how busy she is. But I've still held onto the faint hope that we could at least go on one date only once a week. But it hasn't been possible. She regularly rejects my invitations by saying she's busy. Sometimes she says she's busy discussing business with friends, other times she says she's visiting relatives or she was sick.

Sometimes she just said "I’m too lazy to go out," and that makes me wonder. I don't think that's a persuasive reason not to see your boyfriend. In good relationships, lovers make an effort to see each other.

For our most recent would-be date, she asked me 2 days ago. But then she canceled a few hours before we were supposed to meet. She said she had a toothache and had made a dentist appointment to have it removed. Later that day after seeing the dentist, she said she was too tired to see me.

I didn't want to listen to another word from her. So I told her to rest at home and call me when she felt better. It would've been selfish to ask her to go out when she was in pain. But I was so disappointed because we hadn't seen each other in over a month. I had planned to take her home to meet my parents. But honestly, now I've lost hope.

I know I should trust my girlfriend, but trust must be built by spending time together. I'm so insecure about this relationship, I still tell my family that I'm single. I'll only take her home once I'm sure about everything. But I feel she's being dishonest with me about something.

My friends have encouraged me to treasure this girl who has been by my side when I had nothing. They advise me to be patient with her. But I wonder how patient I can be when I continue to have doubts about this relationship again and again. I still love and appreciate her, but I also fear that she will grow bored and betray me one day.

Even though I'm over 30 years old now, this is the first time I've been in a serious relationship. I'm afraid that trying any harder will only push her away.

Am I too selfish? Am I overthinking?

Hope to hear your advice.

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