I don’t want to leave my wife and kids or split with my mistress

By Quang Hoa   June 23, 2023 | 05:04 pm PT
I’m 38, and married with kids. Since I was a child, I have been pampered by my parents, and because of that, grew up content and reliant on others.

After graduating from university, I was helped by my father to get a position in a state-owned company. My salary is not high, but my workload is light. Regarding my love life, I dated a few chicks, but none of those relationships went anywhere.

I met my current wife 10 years ago. She is considered good looking, competent, and ambitious. She comes from a poor family in a rural town. I think she got married to me partly because of my stable career and Hanoi residence.

We initially lived with my parents, who helped my wife a lot in her career. She has advanced in her career path since then, while I’m still enjoying my old habits of playing sports and going fishing with my friends after office hours and on the weekends.

My wife saved a lot of money, and requested to move out and live on our own four years ago. I was against the idea but she insisted on doing so, so we moved out, after my wife bought an apartment and a car with her own money, but we argued a lot. On the one hand I want to be as free as when I stayed with my parents, on the other hand, I enjoy having a private house and car like my friends.

But I gradually became insignificant in my own family. I had to take on the responsibilities of doing household chores as well as taking care of our children.

My wife has also shown signs of looking down on me, as she often sends money to her parents and younger sister without discussing it with me.

There was a woman who transferred from another department to mine three years ago. She is older than my wife, not too pretty but charismatic. She has been rumored to have affairs with different colleagues.

As I helped her get familiar with her new position, we started to talk more frequently. She shared a lot about the discord between her and her husband to me. What had to come came, and we started being together. I feel appreciated when I’m with her, and she often cooks for me. Our sexual preferences match each other, and I feel like I’m truly in love with her.

She is now divorced and her kid stays with her ex-husband, and she has been granted a huge amount of money. She rented a house and has asked me to visit her more frequently, which is hard for me as I have to be present with my family. There was one time when she even asked me to leave my family to move in with her and let my kids stay with my wife.

I really love her and can’t live without her, but at the same time, I don’t want to leave my children and destroy my own family, which is ideal in many people’s eyes. My parents will also not be able to bear it if I do that. So I’m feeling exhausted and depressed.

What should I do?

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