How to forget the pain after divorce?

By Hang Hien   April 19, 2023 | 03:00 pm PT
We got married in 2017. Back then, I had just started out working in real estate, while he was doing construction, neither family was very wealthy.

My father-in-law was a conservative, egocentric, and bossy man with traditional values who never listened to anyone, not to mention being a brute to his wife. My mother-in-law was a kind woman, but she was submissive.

The family has three sons and a daughter - my ex-husband was the oldest. Before our marriage, my family tried to stop me because my father-in-law was too stubborn. Their family never got along with the neighbors because of his temper. I decided to follow my heart, thinking that I could take on any problems ahead of me.

In reality, I only saw the real horror after we got married. My ex-husband inherited some characteristics of his father, such as being a bossy, brutish womanizer who prefers the company of friends over his wife.

He could freely hit me, prioritize his female friend over me. During the first two years, my mother-in-law argued that I shouldn’t have children because I didn’t have social insurance, and because of superstition about it being not the right year to do so.

My ex-husband complied, but I still wanted to have kids. Little did I know, the first two years of our marriage were spent taking care of his little brother, who was pursuing higher education at the time. Before the marriage, he never mentioned this burden to me.

Right when both of us decided that we wanted a child, my husband turned out to be sterile due to complications from mumps. We both cried a lot, I said I’ll be by his side to help him. We tried to simultaneously work and visit the hospital for his two-year-long treatment.

Back then when we go back to my ex-husband’s parents’ home for Tet (Lunar New Year Festival), his father decided to kick us out of the house. He even demanded that we pay him back for some things.

While I was doing an egg stimulation injection treatment for IUI, my ex-husband and I got into a fight, and he hit me. He hit me a couple of times before, but this time I just couldn’t take it anymore.

A few days later, I moved out, and I gave all of our money to my ex-husband; he even asked me if I had any money left from the hospital treatment, and I foolishly gave that back to him.

I took all of my belongings out of our house, and he never bothered to even look at me or to call me. His mother later told me on the phone that he felt like he didn’t need to do that.

After the failed IUI, I decided to file for a divorce, and a year after I moved out, we went our separate ways.

Now I’m living happily by myself in a rented room, becoming more closed-off. Sometimes I feel like the past is chasing me, making it hard to forget.

Two years have passed, and yet this pain just won’t go away and I still can’t find a way to move forward.

How do I forget the past?

go to top