My in-laws accept my money but show no affection for me

For nearly four years since our marriage, I have diligently performed my duties as a daughter-in-law. My husband and I have established our careers in Southern Vietnam, while my in-laws reside in the Central region. We have maintained financial independence since our marriage, managing our own finances. Besides, whenever there is a need at my husband’s home or when my in-laws fall ill, I ensure that they receive financial support from us, typically sending at least VND5 million (US$203) five to six times a year, not including the VND10 million we give during the Tet Lunar New Year.

Additionally, I regularly send gifts such as bird’s nests, milk, and clothing. I also make frequent calls to check in and always speak with respect. My husband and I have even gone as far as renovating their house and purchasing new furniture, motorbikes, and household appliances for them.

I stayed with my parents from the pregnancy until my first child was four months old, during which I incurred no expenses. They managed everything for me, requiring no effort on my part. Conversely, during a four-month stay at my in-laws’ house, I had to provide VND20 million for food expenses, which my husband’s parents accepted without hesitation. Any additional purchases were also financed by my husband and me.

We have not only cleared the student loans for his siblings but have provided extensive support in other aspects of their lives. We lent them hundreds of millions of dong to purchase homes and assisted them in securing employment. In essence, my husband and I have shouldered all their burdens.

I share this not to boast, but to illustrate my dedication to my husband’s family. Even when my husband and I are not well-off, initiatives to provide financial aid or gifts have always come from me. My husband typically remains uninvolved in these decisions. Often, I made these contributions without consulting him, and he only learned of them when his parents acknowledged them.

Despite these considerable efforts, I have never felt valued or appreciated by my husband’s family. After having two children in three years—a tiring and draining experience—I received minimal contact from my in-laws, who called only one or two times during my pregnancies and twice a year following the births, and never offered to help with the children despite being free. Their lack of involvement contrasts sharply with other families, where grandparents actively assist in raising their grandchildren.

When my second child was five months old, I lost my milk supply due to frequent antibiotic use for minor health issues. This made me incredibly sad and regretful toward my child, yet no one in my husband’s family sought to understand the situation or express concern. They instead speculated that I was trying to lose weight by eating less, which they assumed led to the decreased milk production.

Contemplating how they disregard me even though I have fulfilled all my responsibilities as a daughter-in-law often fills me with profound sadness. What should I do to improve the relationship with my in-laws?