My husband vows to visit his mother only after we have a bigger house

By Hai Duong   June 3, 2024 | 06:38 pm PT
Due to ongoing conflicts between us and my mother-in-law, we moved out, and my husband has vowed not to visit her until we have a larger home.

I am 32 and my husband is 33. We’ve been married for over three years and are trying to have a baby, but so far without success. Medical checks indicated that my husband has weak sperm and I have polycystic ovaries.

We intend to build a house this year as it is considered an auspicious year for my husband’s age according to traditional beliefs; otherwise, we would have to wait until 2030, the next favorable year for him.

Currently, our monthly income is about VND60 million (US$2,359). The construction of the house will require us to take an additional loan of VND1 billion, which we plan to repay in two years.

We also wish to have a child soon. However, I’ve heard that it is not advised to have a baby and build a house in the same year, leaving me conflicted about whether to complete the house first or to start fertility treatments soon.

The main reasons I want to build the house are because it’s an auspicious year for my husband and because he refuses to visit his mother until we have a bigger home. After we moved out because of conflicts with her, my husband initially visited her regularly, but each visit ended in her scolding him, which likely injured his pride.

Consequently, for over a year now, he has steadfastly refused to visit her. Completing the house soon might persuade him to consider visiting her earlier.

I remind my husband that she is still his mother, and he should visit her rather than wait until we have a house, especially since it would be difficult to afford a house larger than his mother’s with his salary alone without my financial help. That’s why I am eager to complete the house, so he can visit her, despite knowing this choice is frowned upon and criticized by many. Only my family and I understand his reasons.

As for me, I’ve also ceased interacting with my mother-in-law and her relatives due to their poor treatment. Despite our significant financial contributions to the house she lives in, she adheres to a principle of supporting anyone but us.

However, I’m still unsure about whether to prioritize building our house or having a baby first. What should I focus on now?

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