My husband shatters dishes in front of guests when I request help with cleaning up

We stumbled into our relationship and decided to marry after nearly a year of dating. Married life has proven challenging with frequent disagreements, often stemming from differing opinions on trivial matters. Still, unlike many young couples, we don’t quarrel over finances.

After two years of marriage, I’ve come to appreciate my husband’s positive traits—his enthusiasm, hospitality, generosity, and candidness. However, he also possesses less desirable qualities, such as a quick temper and habits of drinking and smoking.

Living in a bustling city, we often host friends and acquaintances coming to the city for medical reasons or social visits, and my husband is always eager to have them stay for meals. These visits are manageable as they are infrequent and usually for genuine needs.

Nonetheless, my husband’s social circle includes many who frequently visit to drink, leaving me to clean up after them, especially tiresome after a long day at work. On weekends, when I wish to relax, he still invites friends over for meals, claiming to cook for me, though it’s usually a precursor to their arrival.

These friends likely sense my resentment, which, if I’m honest, is more directed at my husband for the additional workload he creates. No matter the time, he expects me to wash up after his drinking.

While I occasionally manage without complaint, the late hours often lead to frustration, and I’ve found myself smashing dishes in irritation. On one occasion, when I asked for his help with the guests present, he reacted by breaking the dishes in a fit of pique.

Just yesterday, he insisted I clean up post-party as he deemed 10 p.m. still early, disregarding my fatigue and insomnia, plus my early morning work commitments. Growing up in a patriarchal family, he expects me to endure and manage all home responsibilities alone. This issue remains a frequent source of conflict.

He rationalizes that since he cooks and hosts, I must clean up regardless of the hour. He also claims that he doesn’t drink excessively. Yet, he drinks three times a week, which is more frequent than most. Even after physical activity, consuming two to three beers is routine for him, often extending his outings until late in the evening.

Consequently, we rarely share meals on weekdays, as he prefers to drink. I find myself often eating alone and handling all household tasks solo despite being married. If I wish to dine with him, I’m forced to wait until he returns, typically later than promised.

I’ve observed no contented households where the husband drinks excessively. Such habits strain not only the nervous system but also family relationships. But when I voice my concerns, he dismisses them, suggesting I emulate other wives who appear content despite similar circumstances. Hence, I’ve turned to writing this piece to seek public opinion on the matter.

Are my complaints valid?