I struggle to tell my family about my relationship with my former brother-in-law

I’m 27 years old, with a stable job that pays VND50 million (US$1,982) per month. My former brother-in-law, now 42, divorced my cousin—who is the daughter of my uncle—seven years ago. Their marriage ended due to personal issues, with no involvement of a third party.

Since the divorce, my cousin and uncle have consistently shown their dissatisfaction with him, often speaking negatively about him and blaming him during family conversations. They hold him entirely responsible for the breakdown of the marriage.

At first, he and I were merely acquaintances who shared life stories, but over time, I developed genuine feelings for him, which he reciprocated sincerely. Yet, fearing my family’s disapproval—particularly from my uncle and cousin—we have kept our relationship a secret.

What worries me most is how to break this news to my family. I know they won’t take it well, especially given my cousin’s ongoing resentment towards him. I fear this will not only worsen my relationship with my uncle and cousin but also strain the entire family dynamic.

We love each other deeply and are committed to building a future together. He is mature, responsible, and makes me feel secure, but I’m also aware that revealing our relationship won’t be easy. My uncle and cousin may view this as a betrayal, and I dread becoming the subject of criticism and conflict within the family.

I’m at a loss for how to approach this conversation with my family in a way that fosters understanding and acceptance. Hiding this relationship has made me feel exhausted and guilty. I don’t want to hurt my family, but I also don’t want to sacrifice my love.

Is our love strong enough to overcome the family’s disapproval? Should I be upfront and reveal everything, or take a more gradual approach, hoping they’ll come to accept it in time? Should I follow my heart, or choose a safer path to avoid hurting those around me?