I’m not informed about my father-in-law’s passing

My wife and I are peers in age. We were together for more than two years before tying the knot 16 years ago, with our oldest daughter in 10th grade and our two sons in eighth and fourth grades respectively. Neither of us was the other’s first love. Before meeting me, she had a relationship that lasted over six years but ended when she was betrayed. Meanwhile, before her, I was involved in two significant relationships, though none were as profound as my current marriage. Since our marriage, I have remained faithful, considering no other woman.

My wife, who was once outgoing and lively, is now an independent and decisive woman. I work away from home, only returning for two or three days each weekend to be with my family. My wife and children share a home with my mother, following my father’s death from a stroke a few years ago.

I live modestly and am not wealthy, but I occasionally enjoy social drinks with friends and colleagues during holidays and celebrations. My wife remains sociable, cheerful, skilled in managing home affairs, and successful in her career, having earned four to five times more than me years ago. Recently, however, our communication has ceased, and I am unaware of her current employer, her position, or her salary.

It has been over three years since she last called or responded to my messages, and she sets all my messages to auto-delete. I discovered this only a few weeks ago. Since our marriage, we have maintained separate finances, and she handles all household expenses, from funerals to weddings, gifts for parents on both sides, and our children’s schooling. When I’m home, payments for groceries or gifts are sometimes made by me and sometimes by her.

I have purchased a few plots of land, recognized as my sole property, and she has consented to this arrangement without any dispute. She has stated that, in the event of a divorce, she would only seek custody of our three children and make no claim on any other assets. Whenever I acquire property, she concurs and signs the agreement relinquishing ownership. I have signed similar agreements for her land purchases.

Over three years ago, her previous company did not renew her contract amid a change in the management team. Being part of the former management’s inner circle, she was not favored by the new leaders. When she informed me via text about her job situation, I bluntly suggested she simply find another job. Her response was a single word "Okay," after which she ceased texting. I assumed she would quickly secure another job, given her history of frequent job changes.

At that time, I had nearly VND2 billion (US$78,725) and was considering buying another plot of land by borrowing a few hundred million dong. She texted me requesting VND12 million for our children’s extra tuition fees as she had been unemployed for over a month and lacked funds. It was the first and last time she requested financial assistance. Assuming she always had savings, given her financial acumen and high earnings, I replied: "I don’t have it, handle it yourself." She did not respond.

Nevertheless, she accompanied me to the bank to sign the loan documents for the land purchase and asked about the property agreement that stated the land was solely mine, handing it to me to sign. After leaving the bank, she told me to go home first, as she had something to take care of and would be home later. As I then came to her to return something she forgot, I was shocked to find her crying in the bank’s bike parking area. I was scared and chose to walk away without approaching.

That weekend, when I arrived home, my wife was out and had not returned by dusk. No food was prepared, and it was too late to thaw anything. She suggested we have fried eggs for the night and promised a proper meal the next day. Frustrated and hungry, I complained: "You can’t even prepare a decent meal."

Upon hearing this, she threw several eggs against the wall and retreated to her room, closing the door. I went out to buy food for the family. Although my mother wanted to clean up the mess, I instructed her to leave it for my wife.

The following morning, my wife cleaned the kitchen early, as if nothing unusual had occurred. From that day, her demeanor changed: she was no longer cheerful around me, speaking only in front of our children and remaining silent towards me.

No matter my mood or approach, she remained unresponsive. For over three years, she has continued her roles as a daughter-in-law, wife, and mother, but our communication has ceased, and we only speak in front of our children. Thankfully, all my children excel in school and maintain a positive outlook.

More than four months ago, my father-in-law passed away due to illness, unbeknownst to me and my family. I only learned of his death when I took the kids out for a meal during my wife’s business trip. When I casually asked my eldest daughter about her maternal grandfather, she revealed: "Grandpa passed away over two months ago. Mom said we should only tell people if they ask; otherwise, we’re not supposed to talk about it."

I was astonished and hurt. I couldn’t believe my wife would withhold such significant news from her mother-in-law, myself, and my family. Upon her return, I confronted her, but she remained silent. When my frustration boiled over, I shouted, and she coldly replied: "What bond or love is there that needs reporting?" I was stunned, realizing the depth of my failure.

I then attempted to locate my wife’s workplace and social media presence, to no avail. I took a few days off to have someone follow her, discovering where she worked. Embarrassed and remorseful, I realized that despite her physical presence, I had irretrievably lost her. As an attempt to heal our relationship, I gathered all property documents and agreements, offering them to her as an apology. She disregarded the deeds and documents, returning them without a word. I wrote her a letter, which she tore up and discarded. For over two months, I have struggled with sleep, tormented by regret.

I also visited my father-in-law’s grave to pay my respects. My brother-in-law was in presence, and he remained silent, perhaps understanding to some degree. My wife’s mother died when she was four, and her father raised her and her siblings alone. My wife adored her father, aspiring to have three children like her parents. Her siblings are close and successful.

My brother-in-law confided that he was aware of our marital issues without being told. He also mentioned that if my wife ever felt unable to continue for the sake of our children and desired a divorce, I should agree. These words haunt me. I am now consumed by fear and helplessness, uncertain how to reconcile with my wife or if any chance remains to salvage our relationship.

What should I do now?