At 55, I still have to ask my mother-in-law’s permission to spend money

My marriage has lasted nearly 30 years, which might make others think I lead a happy life. I have two grown sons who are well-behaved and a loving husband. But no one knows the humiliation I endure because of my cruel mother-in-law, who doesn’t consider me a true member of the family.

My mother-in-law has disliked me since the beginning of my marriage. She told me I wasn’t worthy of her son because I was unsophisticated and came from a poor family. I endured her criticisms, hoping that one day she would understand me. But her temperament has remained unchanged over the years.

After my marriage, my mother-in-law secured me a job at a grocery store. I worked there until a few years ago, when I had to quit due to back pain and became a homemaker. My mother-in-law is now 80 years old, still sharp and healthy. Every day, she criticizes everything I do—from the dishes I cook to how I clean the house and raise my children. Sometimes, she even mutters insults under her breath.

She doesn’t just speak cruelly, her actions are equally harsh. When my mother, who lived in my hometown, fell seriously ill, my mother-in-law insisted that I could only visit her for three days. After that, I had to return to my in-laws’ house to take care of the house and cook, she said, even if my mother remained ill. She also said I could only return to care for my mother after finishing my duties at my husband’s house.

When my mother passed away, my mother-in-law didn’t even attend the funeral, citing her old age and the distance between my home and my in-laws’ house, though it was only 50 km away. As soon as I finished the funeral arrangements for my mother and returned to my in-laws’ house, my mother-in-law showed no sympathy for me and continued to scold and criticize me over trivial matters.

My husband knew about this, but he just said: "She’s old, why bother? You’ve endured it for so many years, so why stop now?"

I still remember when my eldest son received his first salary. He innocently gave me VND5 million (US$197) in front of my mother-in-law. She then went to her room and stayed angry for an entire day without eating or drinking. The next day, I reminded my son to give her money, and only then did she accept it and eat. So, even when my children got married, I advised them to consult her first before coming to me. My children understand the situation and care for me, but they also dare not speak up or defend me, because even my husband is afraid of her.

Last month, I fell while riding my motorcycle and dislocated my joint. The doctor told me I needed to avoid moving around. When I got home, my mother-in-law didn’t ask how I was doing but coldly remarked: "So who will cook and take care of the house?" In the following days, my husband had to handle the cooking and take care of her.

Her words felt like the final straw, making me reflect on my entire life. I lost 5 kg since then, partly due to my leg pain, but also because of my thoughts and feelings of despair. I realized that I was wrong from the beginning—stubbornly marrying my husband and accepting my mother-in-law’s open disdain, all while believing that I could change her.

Should I end my marriage to find some peace, or should I continue to endure?