I insist on having even family members repay each penny borrowed from me

A man having a phone call. Illustration photo by Pexels

I have lent money to relatives and friends many times, but I have never been left with unpaid debts, thanks to a few key principles.

The first rule is that borrowing a few million dong (VND1 million equals US$40.20) is acceptable, but I firmly refuse to lend any amount beyond that, regardless of how close the relationship is. I only make exceptions for those who I am certain have the credibility and ability to repay. Otherwise, I prefer to decline from the start to avoid any future awkwardness.

I know that some people who borrow money from me never need a reminder. Of course, there are times when they have to request an extension due to unforeseen circumstances, but they always keep their word and strive to repay as quickly as possible.

On the other hand, there are those who promise to repay as soon as they receive their salary but fail to do so even after several paydays. In these cases, I make it clear that there will be no second chance. This clear stance has helped me avoid debt defaults nearly entirely.

For me, even if it’s a family member, any borrowed amount—no matter how small—must be fully repaid. If they are genuinely unable to repay, I accept that. But otherwise, I will not accept being cheated out of any debt, regardless of the reason or the person involved.

Honestly, I see no need to maintain relationships with those who deliberately refuse to repay their debts. Why keep a close relationship with someone who borrows money and then defaults? If someone is truly in financial difficulty and unable to repay immediately, I am willing to give them more time, as that’s when support is most needed. However, they must eventually repay, or I will cease to associate with them.

I have a cousin who borrowed from over 10 relatives in my family. When she approached us to ask to borrow money, she recounted her hardships to evoke sympathy, leading family members to feel compelled to lend her money. Each person lent a few million dong, accepting that it might be a gift if she didn’t repay, but only once.

As suspected, after that instance, she disappeared and never repaid anyone. Now, my entire family has agreed not to lend her any more money. She now faces the consequences of being unable to borrow from anyone.

Do you think my approach is justified?