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The White-Lipped Pit Viper
A while back, the green pit viper population exploded across the country. These scaly nightmares turned up in Vietnam's kitchens, bedrooms and kindergartens. One province in the Mekong Delta reported 866 bites in just a year, prompting a nationwide kill campaign that may, one day, provide the plot to a really terrible movie.
The Vietnamese Giant Centipede
Also known as the red-headed centipede, this fast-moving, 100-legged menace feeds on everything from bats to wolf spiders. If it gets its forcipules (science, for "chompers") into your bipedal ass, expect everything from unsightly swelling to cell death.
Bats
Come dusk, every street lamp in the country teems with bats. International scientists warn these airborne rodents carry every virus you don’t want. On the bright side, you can't get what they've got so long as you suppress your primal urge to hunt and eat them. Or drink their blood.
Gaur
After being essentially evicted from its habitat and poached near to extinction, one renegade bovine went on a rampage that left a 21-year old farmer dead and three others injured. You mess with the gaur, young man, you get the horns.
Mosquitoes
Don’t be fooled by their adorable buzz or clumsy flight, these monsters will leave you with itchy ankles and Japanese encephalitis before buzzing off to nurse their young on your blood.
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This Anopheles stephensin drank way too much of your blood. |
Trees
Seems like every time the wind picks up, bloodthirsty trees descend on the unsuspecting populace like so many ninjas. Every once in a while, some poor commuter passes on to the great traffic jam in the sky. Municipal authorities are doing their best to beat back this scourge.
People
Don’t worry too much about Vietnam’s wild crocodiles, tigers and bears because they’re being rapidly ground into bone-flavored placeboes and handbags.
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Homo Sapiens are the only things that will travel halfway across the world just to shoot you in the head for your septum. Image courtesy of International Wildlife Bond. |
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