Adults need to show children the non-violence way in life

But in another video, I saw the teacher, allegedly the same one as in the other videos, chasing students around with her ready-to-smack slippers. It is truly a unique classroom.

Between the videos is a grey zone, none of the outsiders knows for sure what happened. According to Bui Xuan Luong, chairman of Van Phu Commune, Xuan Duong District of the northern Tuyen Quang Province where the case happened, "both sides were at fault." Luong said that the teacher had several times made inappropriate comments against the students.

Is that enough to defend what the students did? We surely are not saying that the teacher is free of all charges, but were the students’ actions acceptable? I know that many people believe that the students only reflected the teachers’ actions, but I can’t entirely share the sentiment.

Violence in the education environment is not uncommon, and not unreasoned. It is not a one-off event, but a consequence of long chains of actions, outbreaking due to a trigger. Therefore, getting rid of violence can only start with getting rid of what constitutes dissent and violent behaviors.

The environments around us are filled with violence, in the public domain, films and social media, despite many alleged efforts by the authorities and society. Children are also exposed to violence in real life, when their parents resolve to their fists instead of reason, as if violence is the only solution to their issues.

It is easy to blame others for the outcomes of our younger generation. We have plenty of reasons, and none of us are blameless for this issue. But not many of us are ready to admit our partial faults. It is us, the adults, to contribute to the children’s violence, through our actions, our voices, and our tolerance to borderline abusive behaviors. They hand on miseries to their children. They may not mean to, but they do.

I said sorry to my daughter once as I illegally crossed the red light. But that was followed by excuses: we were late for her school, the roads were empty, etc. I was going to make more excuses, before my daughter screamed at me. "Please stop," she said, "aren’t you ashamed of yourself"?

Her anger made me realize that it was the lawless person inside me that made the decisions, rather than any external conditions. We act rightfully and decently because we do not allow ourselves to violate our moral codes. Violence is the same, especially with children. When the children are yet to have sufficient social experience and exposure, they resolve to actions that they know, which are unfortunately the copied versions of their surrounding adults’ negative behaviors. Teachers find it acceptable to cane children, parents find it right to "teach" children via violence, and the strong abuse the weak.

The information provided by the local authorities was not enough for me to feel assured about the innocence of the aforementioned students. Today they "abuse" their teacher, tomorrow their parents, and probably in a few years anyone going against them.

Building a non-violence environment cannot start with violence itself, but needs to start with small but impactful behaviors by adults. We need to provide children with a handful of options in life to resolve their issues, the non-harmful and non-violence types. We need to let the children know that there are more ways to deal with problems than our fists.

I believe that children should be vocal about the issues surrounding them, but being vocal and active is different from being violent. Adults need to start first by listening followed by cooperating with the children to solve our society’s violence. Don’t look back in anger.

*Hoang Anh Tu is a Vietnamese journalist.