My mother says I should get a divorce

By Huu Thinh   July 8, 2023 | 03:47 pm PT
My mom thinks my wife doesn’t deserve me and says I should choose either to move out to live on our own or get divorced.

My wife and I have been married for eight months. We have no kids yet and are living with my mother.

We used to have a happy time after our wedding, as my mother was considerate. For example, she helped my wife take care of her appearance instead of discouraging it, as she wanted my wife to appear good looking every time she met others.

Things started getting worse after the 2023 Lunar New Year. My wife is a big believer in Buddhism, so she used to stay overnight at Buddhist pagodas frequently before our marriage, sometimes she even stayed for several nights. But this habit makes my mother annoyed, as she believes doing so means my wife will have less time taking care of the family.

She told my wife to prioritize our family before anything else, otherwise our marriage would fail. I agreed with her and suggested to my wife that I could visit the pagodas with her, since I would feel sad staying home without her. But my wife thinks otherwise. She believes that every adult needs their own "me time."

In my opinion, my wife occasionally misbehaves as well. If my mother says something she doesn't agree with, she will not respond. I told her not to do this which she ignored.

There was one time when I, in an attempt to save the relationship between my mother and her, took her phone aiming to text my mother back on behalf of her. But she took the phone off my hands, didn’t text back, and didn’t even talk to my mother the following morning.

There was another time when my mother asked my wife the reason why she had to stay at a pagoda for two nights straight, and my wife just showed her irritation without explaining one word. When my mother insisted on telling her to give a reason, my wife got into an argument with her.

I have never prevented my wife from visiting her parents, but I have a feeling that my understanding has been taken advantage of. She stayed at her parents’ overnight several times, saying her mother ordered her to do so, or that she wanted to spend time with her mother.

I am stuck in a dilemma. On the one hand, my wife always says sorry to me if she knows she has done something wrong, so we can be considered a happy couple and I don’t want to get divorce. On the other hand, my mother will be living on her own if my wife and I move out, as my father passed away and my younger sister is not living nearby.

Also, she is about to retire, which means she will spend more time at home and probably need someone as her companion.

What should I do?

go to top