My girlfriend’s older brothers keep asking to borrow money from me

By Nhat Anh   August 18, 2023 | 03:00 pm PT
My girlfriend’s two brothers are longtime gambling addicts. One of them divorced his wife, and one of them made his wife and kids cry their hearts out because of this.

I’m in my 30s, currently living and working in Japan while my girlfriend is in Vietnam. We got to know each other when I visited Vietnam last year. My girlfriend lives close to my house, is good-looking, and has a good sense of things.

As I’m at a good age to get married, I’m taking our relationship seriously. However, there are three problems that make me think a lot and want to ask for advice.

First, my family said my girlfriend and I do not match, according to traditional beliefs about ages and fates. I actually do not care about this too much since I am not superstitious. Still, I feel a bit unhappy when people mention that.

Second, I want to bring her to Japan after we get married, but she does not agree, saying that she does not know the language and has a desire to stay in Vietnam and operate a small business. Anyway, I think I will convince her over time.

Last, and this is the one that makes me think the most, her two brothers have constantly asked me to lend them money since we started dating. I did so, out of my respect for my girlfriend, to one of them. Then my girlfriend’s parents found out about that and forced him to pay me back. Yet he has not paid me wholly and still owes VND6 million ($251.62).

But he recently asked to borrow money from me again and even showed me messages from his wife to beg me to lend him.

I feel tired every time I read his messages, as I have my work to worry about all day too. I even thought about restricting him, but I am afraid that our relationship will get worse and that will be awkward if I get married to my girlfriend in the future.

I asked for advice from my family, and they told me to carefully reconsider my relationship, as my girlfriend’s family is complicated. Actually, I feel so upset that I want to end my relationship and quit dating sometimes.

What should I do now?

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