My girlfriend wants me to buy house before marriage

By Duc Duy   August 21, 2023 | 04:00 pm PT
My girlfriend’s parents do not fully approve of our relationship, as I have not had my own house and live in rented accommodation.

I’m 24, my girlfriend is 23, and both of us are living in Hanoi. We have been dating for five months and are having plans to get married.

My girlfriend recently introduced me to her parents. She said after the meeting that her parents did not like me because I had not had my own house yet.

I agree that it would be uncomfortable living in a rented accommodation after marriage. But I think people my age can rarely buy their own homes without help from their families. My monthly salary as an architect stands at VND15 million (around $630), so I’m not sure whether I can buy a house for myself within the next several years.

I replied to her that both of us could work hard to earn money and buy a house. It can be challenging for us during the first few years, but most married couples are in the same situation.

Still, she seemed hesitant. She told me that even when both of us work hard to earn money, we will still have to take a loan if we want to buy a house. The amount of money we must spend every month to pay for the loan and the interest will be too high.

I got sad after that. I said if she wanted to be my partner, we have no other choice than working hard after our marriage. Otherwise, she should find someone else who has a better financial capacity. She said she would consider her choice, but I don’t know what she had to consider if she really loved me.

My girlfriend comes from a poor family in a rural area and has always told me that she was afraid of being poor.

My family was not well-off either when I was younger, but our financial status improved thanks to my parents’ efforts. My parents can afford a house in Hanoi for me now, but my girlfriend does not know that, and I want to own one through my own ability.

If we got married, I would borrow money from my parents. Combined with my own savings, that would be enough to get us our own house. But knowing about her and her parents’ thoughts made me depressed and unenthusiastic about the entire situation.

I really love my girlfriend and want her to be my partner. But this incident made me think about a possible scenario: What if I face some unwanted hardships after our marriage and we are not so financially secure? Will she leave because of that?

Should I keep dating her?

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