My girlfriend does not hide antipathy towards my mother

By Hien Phuong   November 3, 2023 | 04:00 pm PT
We started dating four years ago, and my girlfriend does not like it when I give my parents money, though she does the same with her parents.

I’m 28, my girlfriend is 30. Both of us have stable jobs and earn more than VND30 million (US$1,200) a month.

However, we have differences in our family backgrounds. My girlfriend’s parents are retired public workers who try the best to save money for their children, while my parents are divorced, enjoying their lives, and do not have any plans to give me and my younger sister anything.

As I have become financially independent, I want to pay tribute to my parents without calculating too carefully. So I send them money whenever they need, and the amount is often only several millions of dong.

Still, my girlfriend is against my behavior. She said my parents are not too old to work, so she argues that they should earn money on their own instead of asking for it from me.

She especially does not like my mother, and the majority of our disagreements since we started dating are about her.

At nearly 50, my mother takes good care of herself. She does not have a stable job, but many men, including married ones, are willing to give her good amounts of money.

My girlfriend has criticized my mother for relying on men, for the way she brings my younger sister up, and for asking for money from me. She complained when my mother used VND10 million I gave her to pay for tattoos for her and my younger sister. She complained when she saw my mother’s photos on social media.

And she complained when she knew that my mother left me at my paternal grandparents’ house when my parents divorced, as she only brought my younger sister with her.

She said if we get married, she will not frequently visit my mother.

I know some will say I just find excuses for my mother, but she has not committed any crime nor harmed anyone with her behavior. To me, she is a great mother. She still has a good impression with my girlfriend without even doubting my girlfriend’s thoughts.

I don’t know what I should do to change my girlfriend’s thoughts. Both her and my mother are important to me.

What should I do?

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