My boyfriend thinks that paying for sex is a normal thing

By Thi Hoa   April 30, 2023 | 03:40 pm PT
I am a 34-year-old female office worker. I have been told that I’m very charming, but I’ve been single for almost 8 years, and I stay at home to take care of my nieces.

I bought my own house in Ho Chi Minh City. Half a year ago, I met a certain customer through chatting – he is three years older than me.

We hit it off pretty well, and I was planning a face-to-face meeting so we could get to know each other better. However, I’m still a bit conflicted over some problems. I’ll list out his pros and cons below:

Advantages: good genes, tall and smart, with a handsome face: something that I’ll need for my future child. Sincere, and his way of talking jibes with me pretty well – which is also something I want in the long run.

He’s also a hard-working person with a lot of dreams and ambition, something that has helped him greatly in achieving his career. He’s kind and gentle, with good control over his emotions, which is a great thing for couples. He’s also a very good father, who is always by his son’s side and cares for him greatly.

Disadvantages: He had a wife once and a kid. The reason for their divorce was that the wife tends to nag and she committed adultery. This makes me a bit worried about pushing this relationship any further because his kid would surely be problematic for me.

For example, his time and focus will have to be split between me and his kid. He’s quite apathetic and can be a bit passive. At first, he actively flirted with me, but now he rarely does that anymore..

He said his ex-wife felt that he was uncaring - something that I found true after a few observations. I think that his wife cheated on him because she felt nothing from their relationship. I once heard the saying "An uncaring man is worse than a cheating man."

He’s a womanizer, maybe a characteristic that a lot of men share. He told me that he used to often pay for prostitutes. I don’t agree with his view but he said a lot of men are like that, and that it is just something that is never spoken out loud. In his mind, buying sex is a common thing and shouldn’t be a red flag, as opposed to outright cheating.

Apparently, after dating me, he has gone eight months without buying sex from any woman. I don’t like this practice because men who buy prostitutes are usually emotionally unavailable, and see women as commodities to choose from, which is too cruel. They don’t respect their partner and can give them STDs.

I’m very much an introvert, my love life is almost non-existent, and I have trouble connecting with anyone of the opposite sex. And it took me a decade to find someone like him. I’m scared that if I do not commit, I won’t find anyone like him ever again. But if I commit to this relationship, will it be too risky when he has so many red flags?

I hope that readers, especially those who are male, can give me some advice - should I continue this relationship?

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