Sperm donations allow women to embrace single motherhood

Seven years ago, Xuan expressed her desire to become a single mother and received her mother's support. She then spent the next three years saving money for the procedure. However, the Covid-19 pandemic disrupted her plans, forcing her to start saving all over again. By mid-2023, the owner of a tea shop had saved enough and visited Hanoi Medical University Hospital.

After making four trips between Khanh Hoa and Hanoi, Xuan successfully became pregnant following her first embryo transfer, which cost her VND80 million (US$3,250). Her baby, Duong Ngoc San, is now three months old. She gushes: "Deciding to have a child was the best choice I ever made. Since my child was born, there have been many moments when I feel like it’s a miracle because the baby has brought our family closer together."

Ngoc San's one-month-old celebration at home in central Khanh Hoa province. Photo courtesy of Thanh Xuan

Dieu Thuy, 32, of Thua Thien Hue also found hope through sperm donation. "I’ve never been in a relationship, and I don’t know if I’ll ever experience romantic love in this lifetime," she says. "But thanks to sperm donation, I can get pregnant, have a child, and raise my child just like any other woman." After two embryo transfers, which cost around VND100 million, she welcomed her first child, a son weighing 3.7 kg, in June.

Although there are no comprehensive nationwide statistics on the actual number of single women using sperm donation to have children, data from hospitals shows this trend is rising.

Doctors at the Centre for Reproductive Support and Tissue Engineering at the Hanoi Medical University Hospital said it was rare even a few years ago to see single women seeking IVF to become mothers, but now an average of five to six visit each month, accounting for 10% of all IVF cases.

In 2023 the number of women seeking sperm donations at the hospital to become single mothers increased by 33% from the previous year.

In the first half of 2024 the number of cases already matches the total for all of 2023.

Vietnamese law allows single women to obtain sperm, eggs and even embryos for assisted reproduction. There are 53 reproductive support centers offering the procedure in the country. Their main clients are same-sex couples wishing to have children, divorced women and women who have never been married.

Dr. Do Thuy Huong says the number of single women coming to the Hanoi Medical University Hospital for IVF has surged partly because its Centre for Reproductive Support and Tissue Engineering is the only facility in Vietnam offering sperms without requiring the recipient to provide a sample in return. The sperm donors remain anonymous, are screened for diseases and meet certain height and appearance requirements. Each donor’s sperm is used for only one client, and once she successfully gives birth the remaining sperms are destroyed.

Before deciding on IVF, Bich Phuong, 32, of Hung Yen, an accountant at a local foreign company, had a fiancé and was preparing for marriage. However, in 2020, during a routine health check-up at her company, she discovered a uterine tumor. It made pregnancy difficult, and surgery was almost certain to eliminate the possibility of becoming a mother.

She told her fiancé about it and expressed her desire to have children as soon as possible, but he disagreed, leading to their breakup. She says: "Illness and heartbreak left me devastated for a while. But when I realized there was another way to have a child, I felt relieved."

Phuong was fortunate that the IVF was successful in the first attempt. But her pregnancy was fraught with life-threatening situations on several occasions. She experienced severe morning sickness, was hospitalized at eight weeks for a possible miscarriage and had to rest at home with her legs elevated until 16 weeks. At 36 weeks her water broke, requiring an emergency C-section under general anesthesia.

The challenges are behind her now, and her 16-month-old son is already walking confidently, calling out for his grandmother and mother. Part of her tumor was removed during her C-section, and the remaining continues to be monitored. "Sometimes, when I hold my baby close and breathe in that comforting baby scent, I can hardly believe I had the strength to overcome all those hardships," she reflects.

Phuong's mother holds her son on Nhat Le beach in central Quang Binh province, July 2024. Photo courtesy of Phuong

In Vietnam, the proportion of single individuals has risen sharply, from 6.23% in 2004 to 10.1% in 2019, with women making up 87.6% of this figure, according to the General Statistics Office. With age, the proportion of women choosing to remain single becomes higher than men, with experts attributing it to women are generally being better at managing life on their own.

Dr. Huong explains that as women gain more financial stability and independence, many now believe they are capable of having and raising a child well on their own, without a father. As women’s rights gain greater recognition and society becomes more accepting of single mothers, it is likely that more women will choose this lifestyle, she shares.

Single parenthood is not without its drawbacks, however.

A 2023 study titled "Single Parenting: Impact on Child’s Development" by Kersi Chavda and Vinyas Nisarga, published in the Journal of Indian Association for Child and Adolescent Mental Health, said the absence of a father or mother affects a child's mental and physical health, their overall development and future relationships.

Children in single-parent households tend to face more material deprivation and perform worse academically. But the study also found that children from single-parent families are often more adaptable, hardworking and responsible. They are likely to succeed in their careers due to the resilience developed from a young age. Other studies have shown that children may fare better when raised by a single parent rather than in a household plagued by frequent conflicts between their parents.

Dieu Thuy, who has always felt self-conscious about her appearance, does not want to "marry just anyone" or become involved with someone divorced and deal with stepchildren. Meanwhile, as her parents grow old, they want her to have someone to rely on so that they can have peace of mind.

As an only child, she feels the responsibility to fulfill her parents’ wishes. "Having a child is easier than finding a husband, so I’m tackling the easier task first," says Thuy, who works at a medical center.

On the other hand, Thanh Xuan’s childhood family trauma prompted her to decide never to date or marry from a young age. "Getting married is like gambling, and I don’t know how to play cards," she says. But raising a baby turned out to be more expensive than she anticipated, and, as the family's sole breadwinner, sometimes faced financial struggles.

Just three days after giving birth she drove her motorbike to work as if nothing had changed. Fortunately, her mother, sister and older brother cared for her daughter San. When people around her learned she had undergone IVF to have a child on her own, they encouraged her, saying, "It’s easier this way."

"One day, I will tell my child how she came into this world, and I hope she will understand," she says.

* Names of some characters have been changed