Foreign spouses adapt to Tet traditions in Vietnam

By Nga Thanh, Ngoc Ngan   January 28, 2025 | 09:27 pm PT
Foreigners married into Vietnamese families are embracing traditions like ancestral worship and the vibrant festivities and Lunar New Year (Tet) customs.

On the 23rd day of the 12th lunar month, which fell on Jan. 22, Roberto took his wife by motorbike to a nearby river to release fish into it before returning home to clean the house and prepare for Tet.

This is the second Tet in Vietnam for the 30-year-old Mexican who married and lives in the north-central Thanh Hoa Province.

He admits he finds Tet exhausting due to the numerous activities involved. He and his wife go shopping, spend several days selecting peach blossoms and kumquats and visit relatives and give them gifts.

"During the holiday, my wife’s family is busier than usual, spending the entire week cleaning the house," he says. "Tet also involves ancestral worship, cooking dozens of dishes, non-stop cleaning and having feasts for three to four days in a row."

Roberto and his wife, a Mexican, is burning incense to pray to his ancestors at his wifes family home in 2024. Photo courtessy of Roberto

Roberto and his wife offer burning incense to the ancestors at his wife's family house in 2024. Photo courtesy of Roberto.

He recalls feeling "overwhelmed" during his first Tet last year when he met his wife’s extended family for the first time.

To be recognized as a family member, he had to toast everyone. The feast was laid out long and wide, with everyone sitting in a circle, waiting for him to raise a glass of wine and introduce himself. "The party that day had nearly 30 people. Since I had never eaten and drunk with so many people in one meal, I was quite exhausted."

Richards family takes Tet photos in District 3, Ho Chi Minh City, January 2025. Photo courtessy of Richard

Peter's family takes Tet photos in District 3, Ho Chi Minh City, January 2025. Photo courtesy of Richard

Briton Richard Peter, 41, still remembers the shock during the 2021 Tet when a lion dance troupe suddenly opened the door and rushed into his home in District 11, HCMC.

They danced and celebrated the Lunar New Year, and the host gave out money while Peter was still in a state of panic.

He had married in 2020 and later moved to live with the family of his Vietnamese wife. During his first Tet in Vietnam, he received red envelopes unaware that they contained money.

A few days later he also bought red envelopes to return the gesture, and handed them out empty. "Everyone in the family laughed loudly when they received the red envelopes without money," he says.

During Tet families gather in the living room with dozens of people. Although Peter tried to learn the appropriate forms of address based on people’s position in the family, he could not remember them all.

However, family gatherings during the New Year have helped him get an inkling into Vietnamese culture.

Peter and Roberto are foreigners who have experienced cultural shocks during Tet.

Medium once wrote about three cultural experiences that foreigners should know when dating Asian women: being introduced to meet the family, valuing personal emotions over physical affection and avoiding sensitive topics or intimate actions during first meetings.

Associate Professor Dr. Pham Ngoc Trung, a cultural researcher and former head of the department of culture and development at the Academy of Journalism and Communication, says in many countries Lunar New Year is a time for rest and travel and is not so heavily focused on cultural practices as in Vietnam.

"To prevent foreign husbands or wives from experiencing cultural shocks, especially during Tet, the partner should introduce and show images or videos beforehand to make them less unfamiliar.

"When Vietnamese marry foreigners, they must learn about their partner’s culture to fulfill their responsibilities as a spouse."

He suggests allowing them to adapt gradually to eating and drinking practices and participating in worship activities without forcing them to follow every procedure correctly in order not to make them anxious.

Na Eop Dong, 44, a man from South Gyeongsang Province in South Korea, has been married to a woman from Kien Giang Province in the Mekong Delta for over 10 years, but has been celebrating Tet with her family only for the past three years.

Na Eop Dong (white shirt), 44 years old, from South Gyeongsang Province, South Korea, is giving Tet gifts to his wifes relatives in Go Quao District, Kien Giang Province, in 2025. Photo courtessy of Na Eop Dong

Na Eop Dong (2nd, gives Tet gifts to his wife's relatives in Go Quao District, Kien Giang Province, in 2025. Photo courtesy of Na Eop Dong

He says he traveled often to Vietnam before marriage but only understood its culture deeply after becoming a son-in-law.

During his first Tet celebration in 2022 in Kien Giang he was surprised when, upon arrival, the first thing he had to do was light incense to worship at the ancestors’ altar and ask for permission to stay in the house for a few days.

"My wife said whether it is the husband or friend, everyone must seek permission from the deceased family members."

Wanting to look like a good Vietnamese son-in-law and win the favor of uncles and aunts, he wore shorts, a T-shirt and a conical hat and went to the Tet market with the family.

He expected the countryside to be quiet compared to cities, but was "shocked" by the congestion and chaos at the market.

The flower and meat stalls were especially crowded with hundreds of people jostling around.

He was also intrigued to see people decorate their houses with lots of colorful flowers. His wife bought over 35 pots of them and filled the house with them.

"Though there were many unfamiliar things, my favorite part was seeing the whole village light up fireworks. Everyone runs out to the alley to watch and cheer, creating a very warm atmosphere."

He says this is something he has never seen in South Korea. By now he has become accustomed to Tet traditions.

On the 25th of the 12th lunar month, five days before the Lunar New Year, he was present to help his wife’s family clean the house and prepare for Tet, get red envelopes ready for the children and join his wife in doing some charity work.

"Because I’m not fluent in the language, I followed what the elders did. I look forward to Tet to sing from night until morning. I feel lucky to be a Vietnamese son-in-law."

While for it is still mostly unfamiliar, his favorite moment is when he plays lively Tet music while cleaning the house with his wife’s family. "It is strange to hear music, but I’m energized to work. Cleaning together is also a way for family members to bond after a year."

 
 
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