Finding home abroad: The 5-year journey of Vietnamese woman in Brazil

The Vietnamese-Brazilian couple’s story began in late 2019 when Hong was 29 and working for a Japanese company in the Mekong Delta province of Long An. She first received a series of text messages from a stranger named José Lazaro.

She took notice because he had learned enough Vietnamese to ask basic ice-breakers like "How are you?" and the gentlemanly caller had piqued her interest.

Hong decided to engage the strange suitor. He introduced himself as a 44-year-old single father of a five-year-old daughter. He said he’s from Brazil and working in Canada, but he also confessed a deep and profound adoration for Vietnam, when a much younger him had ventured to Angola for volunteer work and encountered many Vietnamese expatriates living and working there.

He said he grew so fond of the country and the people that he considered finding a life partner among the Vietnamese community there. He even enrolled in Vietnamese language courses.

But knowing he was a single father living in another country, Hong decided they could only be friends.

Her responses to calls and messages became less frequent until the day Lazaro cradled his daughter Angelina in his arms and video-called. Seeing the young girl, Hong felt a deep empathy, recalling her own childhood struggles.

At age six, she had faced a family crisis that forced her to split with her parents and live with her aunt.

"Back then, I cried a lot missing the hugs and warmth of my parents," she said. "Suddenly, I felt a closeness to José’s child. From that moment on, I began to open my heart wider to him."

Hong (C), her son with Lazaro (far R), and Lazaro’s daughter Angelina from a previous relationship, at a family birthday celebration in 2022. Photo courtesy of Hong

She called Lazaro and told him to fly to Vietnam immediately to convince her family of his good intentions and win their approval of their partnership. He booked a flight to Vietnam the very next day.

"I have talked to many Vietnamese girls, but none have been as determined and decisive as her," Lazaro said. "That is what made me want to win her over."

During his week in Vietnam, Lazaro spared no effort, from sweeping floors to doing laundry and washing dishes, all to prove his honest sincerity. He also engaged in serious conversations with Hong’s mother, seeking her permission for them to get to know each other better.

Witnessing his actions only bolstered Hong’s trust in her choice. She then showed her mother a photo of Angelina to further persuade her.

"Seeing José’s sincerity and my daughter’s feeling, I agreed to let them date," said Mai Loan, Hong’s mother.

Lazaro then invited Hong to Brazil for a month-long stay to learn about his family and his culture before deciding to marry. The Vietnamese woman then packed instant noodles, Vietnamese food, and summer clothes for her journey halfway around the globe. Their month in Lazaro’s hometown passed serenely, deepening their bond as they planned a future together.

But then the onset of Covid-19 grounded flights, leaving Hong stranded.

Hong on a walk in Rio de Janeiro, early 2024. Photo courtesy of Hong

In Brazil, as winter set in and her own Vietnamese food supplies dwindled, Hong faced psychological crises, feeling trapped and out of place in a foreign land.

Conflicts between the couple escalated as they came to realize their differences and unpleasant habits.

The language barrier also became a significant issue. Hong spoke English with her boyfriend, but his family spoke only Portuguese.

Feeling isolated and unable to either return home or adapt to Brazil, she found herself at an impasse.

"We need to sit down and talk," Lazaro urged when he noticed her distress. "Think about why you came here in the first place."

They gave each other more chances.

When disagreements, turbulence and discord temporarily settled down, they decided to have a child.

However, Hong could not obtain a green card for residency in Brazil, nor could she register marriage to Lazaro due to insufficient documentation upon arrival. She became an illegal resident in the country, and she was without insurance.

The mounting pressures led her into a dark depression.

"I could not stop seeing the negative in everything," she admitted.

Hong reached her breaking point and found herself contemplating suicide. Her ideation was slitting her wrists in the bathroom. Lazaro fortunately intervened in time and took her to a psychological therapist for treatment.

It was then, in front of the therapist, that she poured out all her inner struggles.

"She thought I no longer loved her," Lazaro recounted. "She blamed herself for giving up all opportunities in Vietnam to live with someone who did not care or understand."

He decided to start working from home to be with Hong and care for her day and night. His dedication awakened Hong from her despondent emotional slumber.

"Now, if I cannot change the situation, I must change myself to fit in," she thought.

She started spending more time with Angelina.

Every day she would read the young girl stories. They played chess and baked together, and Hong’s interpersonal communication improved.

She found online resources to improve her language skills, and asked José to give her books that would help her learn Portuguese.

Her bond with Angelina also deepened, and the young girl often mimicked her father, rubbing Hong’s belly and speaking to her coming baby brother. Hong also cooked Vietnamese dishes that Angelina loved, which increased their confidence in each other.

"She is part of the reason I came here, but she is also the one who taught me many lessons and expanded my language and heart," Hong said.

With the language barrier gone, the distance between her and Lazaro’s family also dissolved.

His mother and sister cared for and supported her through the pregnancy and birth. They helped her raise her young child.

Having integrated into Lazaro’s family, Hong gradually adapted to life in Brazil. She tried some of his hometown dishes, sought out Vietnamese wild vegetables to cook with, and even started growing them herself.

She delighted in preparing meals and sharing them with his family members.

"Now everyone is addicted to chicken salad, beef pho, and spring rolls," Hong said.

She also started a business selling Vietnamese dishes and created a YouTube channel about her life in the country to generate income.

The remaining problem was applying for permanent residency in Brazil. Hong was advised to claim refugee status. However, she got rejected when she tried to apply with the local police. They advised her to return to Vietnam for six months before reapplying.

Hong and Lazaro at the Vietnamese Embassy in Brazil, spring 2024. Photo courtesy of Hong

Hong then wrote a letter in Portuguese detailing her predicament of being stranded in Brazil, which she sent to a female police officer she had met at the station.

"Surely you are a mother yourself, so you would understand how I can’t leave my child behind here [to return to Vietnam] when he’s just six months old," Hong pleaded.

The officer recommended a lawyer to Hong in hopes his savvy could help.

The lawyer wrote a skilful and convincing letter detailing the difficulties Hong faced during her time in Brazil and sent it to the state court. The court’s chief judge then issued an urgent directive requesting that Hong be granted a green card that would allow her to stay in Brazil legally.

"Within just one week, Lazaro and I took our baby to the police station, armed with the chief judge’s letter," Hong recounted. "Everything was resolved."

A month after Hong got the green card, flights from Brazil to Vietnam resumed. Hong, along with Lazaro and children, returned to her homeland to hold their wedding amidst everyone’s blessings after the long wait. They then returned to Brazil.

Earlier this year when she began earning money from her YouTube channel, Hong wrote a long letter to her mother-in-law recalling the journey they had been through together.

In the letter, she expressed gratitude to her husband’s family, especially her mother-in-law, for their love, care, and support that helped her integrate into life in Brazil during the most challenging times.

Moved by her daughter-in-law’s heartfelt words, 73-year-old Maria Inês hugged Hong, saying: "You are my daughter, and this is your home."