Currently, my annual income is decent. Although it’s not much compared to others, it gives me a certain level of confidence. I also graduated abroad, as my parents sent me to study in Europe seven years ago with an expenditure of VND300-400 million (US$11,789-$15,719).
There have been many ups and downs in my life, but I’ve achieved a few small successes, like buying a car and land. Most importantly, I have the financial confidence to take care of myself and my family.
I see myself as a nice woman who knows how to cook, manage things in my life, and do charity work. While I’m not exceptionally beautiful, I consider myself good-looking. My personality is okay—introverted but gentle, and strong at the right moments.
Despite all these qualities, I still wonder why no one loves me. The issue probably stems from working online and never having worked in an office. I also don’t like socializing much. But mostly, I think it’s because I haven’t had a fated connection with anyone yet.
Interestingly, I’ve never officially had a boyfriend. I’ve tried dating apps and written posts looking for love, but it’s all been a big zero.
Sometimes, on long nights, I scroll through my phone and see people in love, and I yearn for that. I’ve opened my heart, but there’s still no one. All I need is someone who truly loves me and doesn’t care too much about money. If they earn as much or more than me, even better.
I envy happy couples. I long for someone who loves me, to be that little girl who snuggles up in their arms, who can laugh and smile freely, and who feels a sense of peace just by seeing them. Maybe I’ve been dreaming and wishing for too much, or maybe I'm just lucky being single.
Although I’m getting older, I still hope someone will come into my life slowly. I don’t want to rush into something just because of my age. Perhaps the only thing I feel insecure about right now is my age. It’s really sad.
Tonight, it’s pouring rain outside, and as I lie here listening to it, I feel empty inside. I can’t share this loneliness with anyone because of my pride and self-esteem.
I’m truly at a loss in my search and too tired to continue. I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong or if I was simply not meant to have a worldly connection in my past life, and that’s why I’m so out of luck in this one. Or perhaps my destined love from a past life hasn’t been reborn yet, leaving me alone in this world.
I sometimes think about the day I fulfill my filial duties to my parents and then leave because no one loves me anymore, and there’s nothing holding me back. So, I’ll work hard to earn money for a few more years without competing with anyone, and before I go, I’ll donate everything to charity. I just need enough money for my family to handle my funeral, and then I’ll leave in probably 10-15 years.
I’m genuinely exhausted from being asked when I’m getting married. I know my parents worry about me and fear I’ll be left alone. But if I’m not destined to be with anyone, I can’t force it, nor do I want to settle with some random man. I’d rather live my best life, travel to all the places I’ve ever wanted to, and then gently drift into death.
Am I right for thinking that way?