My in-laws urge my husband to divorce me and marry someone else

My husband and I were college friends, dated for three years, and then got married almost nine years ago. He was kind and gentle, with no vices during our courtship. Initially, we were very happy, both employed in office jobs and living stably. He was helpful around the house, and we seldom argued. During my pregnancy and after our baby’s birth, it was just us caring for each other. He worked and helped with our baby. We even lived in a house lent to us by acquaintances, rent-free, which secured our financial situation.

When our baby was six months old, I put her in daycare and went back to work. In our second marriage year, as our daughter neared one, my husband started accruing debts, eventually owing VND400 million (US$15,714) from online gambling, which led him to borrow extensively. Both our families helped settle this. Six months later, he was VND300 million in debt again, cleared with family help. I sold all my wedding jewelry, our rings, and our baby’s gold gifts to manage his debts. Despite his promises to reform, he soon reported another VND200 million in debt, this time with no family support available.

He persuaded me to mortgage our house for debt payment. I agreed, and we moved to a rental. Since then, I’ve mostly carried our financial burden. My salary paid for most needs, while his income went towards minor expenses and debt repayments. Nevertheless, he remained kind to me and continued his household and childcare duties, which made our life appear happy to outsiders.

After selling our house, I hoped he would stop gambling, but he didn’t. He pawned his motorcycle, which was eventually sold when we couldn’t afford to reclaim it. He also pawned and sold my motorcycle cheaply. Finally, I decided to divorce.

I must say, he’s hardworking, holding a company job and driving for a ride-hailing service, living frugally and caring for us. But his gambling consumes vast sums, often his whole salary at once. Over nine years, I’ve begged, cried, and tried everything to stop his gambling. He always promises to change, but after brief stability, he starts again. Family expenses fluctuate—sometimes he contributes, sometimes not, blaming delayed paychecks.

He borrows from neighbors, buys groceries on credit, and gets credit meals. Living with him is draining. Although I earn well, some months it’s hard to cover everything. When I ask for his help with groceries, he gives little, and our child suffers a poor diet. I often need financial help from my parents, which hurts deeply. I still care for him, and he loves us, but I’ve lost all trust. In nine years, he has continually accrued debt. Now, I have no assets left.

Initially, my in-laws helped, but now they’ve stopped and blame me for not stopping his gambling, though I’ve tried everything. They now want him to divorce me, return to his hometown, remarry, and start anew. He’s the youngest, and my in-laws have always wanted us to move there, but we refused, causing their resentment. Now that I’ve filed the divorce papers, which my husband’s agreed to, he asks to stay and co-parent until our daughter is 18, promising to help raise her before we part.

As I wait for the divorce decision, I’m conflicted. Should I let him stay and co-parent, or cut ties decisively? I still care for him, and my daughter deeply loves her father. He genuinely loves us, but I fear his debts and the instability they cause.

What should I do?