My in-laws often spread untruths about me

I am 30 years old and have been married for six months. My husband is three years my junior, tall, handsome, and works in IT.

I was born and raised in Hanoi, while he is from Bac Ninh, a neighboring province. Our families are of similar social standing, although my family is more affluent. Despite being older, I am considered attractive, and my income matches that of my husband.

However, my in-laws did not fully accept me. My mother-in-law frequently criticizes me for being "as small as a candy" or "thin as a toothpick," despite my well-proportioned and healthy physique at 1.6 meters tall and weighing 48 kg. Additionally, my in-laws are quite proud and enjoy boasting.

Despite this, I chose to marry my husband because of his maturity and the security I felt during our two-year relationship. I do not harbor ill feelings toward my in-laws, nor do I show any negativity towards them.

In my presence, my in-laws consistently praise their son and suggest that I am fortunate to have married him. Yet, in front of others, they portray me falsely as being only a year older than my husband and as someone who is submissive and eager to please, even though this is far from the truth.

On our wedding day, my father-in-law publicly declared that they had purchased our home, asserting that I had no financial worries as their daughter-in-law, thus implying that I am lucky to be married into their family.

In reality, the house was bought with savings from both my husband and me, with contributions from both families. My parents contributed over VND1 billion (US$40,708), significantly more than the VND300 million from his parents, who are unaware of the full extent of my family’s financial support, and my husband has remained silent on the matter.

Before the wedding, my in-laws inquired about the amount of gold my parents planned to give. I informed them that my family intended to give two taels of gold in jewelry. Subsequently, my in-laws presented us with three taels at the wedding, seemingly to surpass what my family had provided. Now, my mother-in-law wants the gold returned, claiming it was given merely to impress our families and that their monetary contribution to our home was sufficient.

I have discussed these issues with my husband, who reassures me by saying his parents mean no harm and that his father enjoys telling these stories harmlessly without any negative intentions towards me or my parents. Since we live at a distance from my in-laws, conflicts are minimal. We generally dismiss his father’s remarks as an older person’s way of taking pride in his child’s accomplishments and happiness.

However, a friend recently informed me that my father-in-law boasted in their hometown that they bought us a house and a car, and that these assets were solely in my husband’s name since I supposedly have a job that pays just enough and contribute nothing financially. In truth, the car is owned by my parents.

This friend suggested I urge my husband to set the record straight with his parents about our finances to clarify that I am not reliant on him and that my family has significantly contributed to our assets.

Until now, I have never been one to meddle or impose upon my husband, always maintaining a relaxed and companionable presence, not a demanding wife. Hence, I am hesitant to delve into matters involving my in-laws.

Is this the right approach, or should I discuss the issue of his parents with my husband? If so, how should I approach the conversation?