My husband leaves my brother’s wedding early after being criticized for his laziness

By Mai Lan   May 26, 2024 | 02:59 pm PT
My husband took a taxi back to the city after my family criticized him for not helping to prepare for my brother’s wedding ceremony in my hometown.

We are both 30 years old, with a son and a daughter. We work in the city, located about 100 km from my hometown and 120 km from his. Financially, we’re average, and we own a single-story house in the suburbs but still owe around VND200 million (US$7,852).

We married unexpectedly soon after university graduation due to an unplanned pregnancy, without having known each other long. At the time, neither of us was employed, so we relied financially on our parents. My husband, who wasn’t very tactful, often boasted, and didn’t have a stable job, was not favored by my family.

The relationship between my husband and my family has deteriorated over time due to ongoing minor conflicts. Because of that, I prefer when my husband works away and only visits home occasionally, as it keeps life more peaceful for the children and me.

We returned to my hometown for my younger brother’s wedding to help my parents with the preparations. In my hometown, weddings usually span three days, consisting of the engagement ceremony, the party, and the wedding day.

The first day, which was also the day of my brother’s engagement ceremony, went smoothly. That evening, our relatives gathered at our house to prepare for the following day’s feast, getting only a few hours of sleep. My husband and I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 5 a.m., which displeased my parents. They criticized us for sleeping in while everyone else was busy with preparations, suggesting my husband was being lazy.

On the morning of the second day, my husband didn’t volunteer to help in the kitchen or with other tasks. He mostly loitered around or sat outside near the tent, only doing chores when directly asked by my parents, and even then, he was reluctant, claiming these tasks weren’t his responsibility.

This behavior caused whispers among the relatives, eventually reaching my parents. In the afternoon, when the guests were arriving, a relative confronted my husband to voice their complaints, but he maintained his stance of not being responsible for helping.

The ongoing complaints from the relatives were frustrating, and when I discussed it with my husband, it led to a significant argument. Following our disagreement, he took a taxi back to the city, missing my brother’s wedding ceremony the next day and leaving me to attend alone.

At the wedding, when the host called the groom’s family on stage to present gifts to the couple, I was the only one from our family who went up. It was both sad and embarrassing for me.

I don’t understand why my husband acts so immaturely. Regardless of the circumstances, he should have stayed until the end and addressed any issues later. Now, my relatives, my brother, and my sister-in-law all hold us, especially my husband, in disfavor, labeling him disrespectful, lazy, and a disgrace to the family. I’m exhausted from being caught in the middle and am uncertain how to effectively manage this situation.

What should I do now?

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