My husband doesn’t want to live with my parents

By Thu Phuong   May 16, 2024 | 03:20 pm PT
My husband promised my parents to relocate close to them, but later changed his mind, causing my father much sadness.

I met my 35-year-old husband online. We got to know each other, fell in love, and then moved in together in 2015, forming a small family from scratch. We now have three children and are currently residing in the U.S. My husband always fulfills his responsibilities as a husband and father. We currently operate nail stores to make ends meet.

My mother- and sister-in-law live in another city, which is a four-hour drive from where we live. My mother-in-law works as a factory worker. She is hardworking and has been living with her boyfriend for almost 20 years now.

Meanwhile, my father-in-law has been back and forth between Vietnam and the U.S. for the past 20 years and has never had a job. He just turned 60, and my husband provides financial support for him.

My parents relocated to the U.S. in 2018 and are now living in another state that is a 19-hour drive away from us. My mother and my husband have had a few disagreements. I’ve noticed that it stems from my husband’s tactlessness, which is also observed by our neighbors and acquaintances. When he gets angry, he doesn’t hold back and resorts to swearing. Our employees have even left us out of pride because of this.

Since we’re living in the colder part of the country, I recently wanted to move somewhere warmer. I proposed the idea to my husband, and he supported it, so we decided to sell our house and stores. Things were still fine when I visited my parents two months ago and found business opportunities in a place close to their current residence.

But my husband recently changed his attitude. He asked why we should move near my parents when we could live closer to his mother and sister. I explained that I had already told him there were no business opportunities in his mother and sister’s place, and the cost of living there is high, which is totally different from the situation in my parents’ place.

I also told him we don’t need to live with my parents, as we can reside somewhere two or three hours away from them. But he still opposes it. He said I should move in with my parents with our two older kids to see if the lifestyle there suits us, while he would take our youngest child to his mother’s place. My father was very sad when he heard this, as he had been looking forward to us living closer to them when my husband agreed to relocate.

Now, on the one hand, I’m worried that if I convince him to move to my parents’ place with me, he won’t completely like it and will bring it up in future arguments. On the other hand, if he insists on not relocating with me, I’ll feel that he is a selfish person who doesn’t consider my thoughts, which will eventually harm our marriage and happiness.

What should I do?

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