My husband forbids me from asking about his expenses

I’m a 45-year-old accountant with an average monthly income of VND15 million (US$588). My husband is 47, works at a bank, and earns between VND30-50 million per month. We’ve known each other for 25 years, having met in college, and have been married for 15 years. We have two daughters, one in grade 8 and one in grade 10.

Currently, we live with my in-laws. Our shared assets include a house, which my in-laws gave us and that we rent out for VND5 million a month, and two cars, which were gifts from both his parents and mine.

Since we got married, my husband has taken on the responsibility of financially supporting the family, covering utility bills, and paying for our children’s expenses. As for other incidental costs, each of us is responsible for our own. Given my low salary, my husband has never asked me to contribute to our children’s expenses. He has also made it clear that I am not allowed to ask about his income, where he goes, or what he does.

While I don’t know exactly how much my husband earns, I do know that the money he spends on our children’s education and the family accounts for about 50% of his income. I have no idea what happens with the rest of the money. My husband and I have no shared financial goals, so neither of us asks about the other’s finances.

Recently, I accidentally discovered that my husband has been making large expenses, ranging from tens of millions to hundreds of millions of dong, with no family event or major purchase to explain such spending. When I asked him about it, he became upset, scolded me, and told me I had no right to concern myself with his matters. He even locked his phone so I couldn’t access it.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on whether I should continue living like this. I’ve had to accept not knowing anything about my husband’s affairs. He doesn’t care about my well-being, whether I’m happy or sad, comfortable or struggling. He shows no interest in knowing how I feel, and he won’t help me if I need it. From his perspective, anything related to him is none of my business.

In the past, my husband has hit me twice when we had disagreements. The second time, he hit me harder than the first, leaving me with serious facial injuries. I had to wear a mask to cover it and didn’t dare tell anyone, fearing it would break my parents’ hearts. My husband has never apologized.

I let it go easily because I loved him more. But the pain from those incidents is something I can never forget. When things are calm, I force myself to accept this life with him. However, whenever something unpleasant happens, I am tormented by the past, and the accumulated emotional pain leads me to overthink and lose sleep.

My children have grown up, and while our financial situation isn’t wealthy, we’re comfortable enough. I’ve accepted this life with my husband for many years, but now I wonder whether I should continue. On one hand, I lack the courage to leave this marriage. On the other hand, if we stay together, I will always be haunted by the past. I’m deeply saddened and often wonder if other couples live like we do.

Isn’t my marriage like living with a stranger? What should I do?