My boyfriend proposes living with his mother post-marriage to save money

By Hong Ngoc   August 15, 2024 | 01:21 am PT
Initially, my boyfriend and I agreed that we would not live with his mother after getting married, but he has recently changed his mind.

I am 29, attractive, and earn a good salary while residing in a rented apartment in Ho Chi Minh City. My boyfriend, who is less visually appealing, works in IT and invests in cryptocurrencies.

We began interacting at our workplace about two months ago, though he said he had taken an interest in me much earlier but I was having a boyfriend. After my previous relationship ended, my boyfriend reached out to me on social media. We then began conversing and eventually started dating.

Early in our relationship, he would often buy food for me and suggest dining out for convenience, even though we are both financially stable and I can cook. But during my birthday celebration this year, instead of a traditional gift, he offered me cash, citing its practicality. His lack of consideration made me contemplate ending the relationship.

I have also set clear boundaries in our relationship: he must not smoke, and I do not want to live with his family post-marriage, since I moved to Ho Chi Minh City 10 years ago and have grown accustomed to living independently.

Additionally, I discovered he was secretly smoking e-cigarettes and was lazy about housework, justifying his behavior by stating that his mother handled chores at home. After I confronted him about smoking inside our home, which I found unacceptable, he angrily suggested he would move out immediately.

Recently, my boyfriend has been discussing living arrangements and finances more frequently. He mentioned that his mother suggested reconstructing their family’s ancestral home into a three-story building to cohabit with her, giving us separate floors for more independence. However, he also explained that the idea is to avoid household responsibilities and expenses. This contradicts his earlier commitment to us living independently after marriage.

The inconsistency between his words and actions is striking. He claims to dislike apartment living and renting but wants to save money by relying on his mother’s support. His mindset makes it difficult for me to envision a shared future.

What should I do?

 
 
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