I love my girlfriend but don’t want to pay off her $47K debt

I am 28 years old, and my girlfriend is seven years older than me. We’ve been together for more than half a year. Before that, neither of us imagined we would end up together because we both didn’t want to be tied down in a relationship. My girlfriend didn’t like dating someone younger, and I didn’t like dating someone older. But somehow, when we met, we felt an instant connection, as though there was something very familiar, and we eventually fell in love. We don’t feel any age gap in our relationship, in fact, we get along well in many ways. As long as nothing changes, we plan to marry in one or two years.

My girlfriend has a decent appearance and looks much younger than her age. She also has a sweet personality, cares about others, loves animals, and is good with languages. Her biggest flaw, however, is her inability to save money—she tends to spend on things that make her happy without considering her finances. Currently, she runs her own business, earning about VND15 million per month, and her family is not financially well-off. I work as a freelancer, earning between VND20-25 million per month, and my family is relatively well-off.

About a month ago, I noticed she seemed stressed, so I asked her what was going on, and I found out she owed the bank around VND1.2 billion, which shocked me. Part of the shock came from not realizing she owed so much, and the other part was because she had spent money so freely during the first few months of our relationship while carrying such a large debt. Even before we met, she had a similar spending pattern, with no indication that she was in such significant debt.

When I asked her about the cause of the debt, she explained that during the Covid period, she took out a loan to open a store and later lent money to an acquaintance she trusted to invest in stocks—or forex, she wasn’t sure. Unfortunately, both she and the acquaintance then lost everything. The original debt was around VND700-800 million, and it has only increased since then. Currently, she has to pay VND12 million per month, including VND8 million in interest and VND4 million in principal.

When I learned about her debt situation, I told her that she needed to change her lifestyle and start saving. She promised she would. In reality, she is making changes and saving much more now, which is something she should have done three years ago when the debt first occurred. She said it was her karma, and she had to face the consequences of her actions.

I told her that if we got married, it wouldn’t just be her problem anymore, as I would also be responsible. I find her situation both frustrating and pitiful. Initially, I thought that if we married, with my family’s support, I could eventually help pay off her debt. Of course, I’d keep the fact that she owes so much a secret from my family, because if they knew, they wouldn’t approve of me being with her.

Recently, I found out that every month she can’t afford to pay off her bank debt and has to borrow from family members to make the payments, which is why the debt keeps increasing. If she were able to pay her loans on her own each month, I would feel some hope for our future together. But right now, everything feels uncertain, even though I truly care about her and want to protect her.

Since discovering her debt, I’ve felt a lot of pressure, even though I’m not someone who values money too much, nor am I the type to be calculating with the person I truly love. I love her, and she loves me—not because of material circumstances, but simply because of love. We found a deep connection within our souls, and I sense that it’s not about material things. From the very beginning, neither of us knew much about each other’s income or family circumstances, and we didn’t talk much about money. We just felt a mutual understanding, which moved us and led us to fall in love.

Deep down, I still want to experience life on my own, living free from external burdens, gradually letting go of attachments to focus on a life of mindfulness. Meeting her, who shares the same mindset, makes us truly resonate with each other. However, her debt is a major obstacle to the path I’m trying to follow.

What should I do, as it’s difficult to achieve inner peace and true freedom when my mind is always preoccupied with debt repayment?