Women pioneer sex coaching in Vietnam

"They love each other, but the wife always resists at the last step," said Ngoc, a 30-year-old sex coach in Hanoi. "This situation was causing stress and sadness for the husband."

Ngoc realized after a few sessions that the wife’s response was the result of the pain she experienced during her first sexual intercourse. Added to that burden, the couple lived in the same house with their parents, and any external noise that may occur triggered nerves in the woman.

Ngoc thus suggested they try other methods including using more lubricant and engaging in non-penetrative sex. This approach indeed worked and improved the couple’s relationship.

Ngoc during a 1-on-1 coaching session with a female client mid-2023. Photo courtesy of Ngoc

One of the few certified sex coaches in Vietnam, Ngoc shifted to this profession during the Covid-19 pandemic. To be qualified for the profession, she enrolled in a 15-month course on sex coaching, held by the Sex Coach U program, which cost her US $5,000 after a 70% scholarship deduction.

Ngoc’s job is a newly-emerged field in Vietnam and in the world. It combines life coaching, holistic health, and sex education, and recently developed as a distinct profession within the broader coaching industry, which emerged in the early 2000s.

For Luong Bao Chau, the journey to this profession started with her own experiences. Brought up in a traditional family where sex education was never discussed and where her mother discouraged her from masturbating and having premarital sex, Chau had grown a feeling of guilt about her sexual thoughts and actions.

"These feelings drove me to learn about sex to heal myself, as well as other women of my generation and future generations," Chau shared.

She thus reached out to foreign experts for knowledge and course recommendations, and subsequently joined a 15-month course at West Hollywood’s Loveology University in Mar. 2022.

Similarly, Le Hai Yen of Ho Chi Minh City became a sex coach after completing a course at the same Loveology University in California four years ago.

The women spoke to VnExpress about the challenges of stepping into their new careers.

As someone with no background in medical and healthcare, Ngoc found her course’s complex content on anatomy, medication, and psychology challenging at first. Not to mention that it was conducted entirely in English at midnight in Vietnam due to the time zone difference.

"But the hardest part was feeling isolated in class," she added. "Coming from a conservative and traditional cultural background, I was unlike my open European and American classmates. I even doubted whether I could pursue this career sometimes while I took the course."

Ngoc said that when she shared her concerns, her instructor encouraged her by highlighting the importance of her unique perspective. The instructor advised: "You’re conservative because everyone around you is. You are well-suited to understand your clients in your country."

Chau’s biggest challenge was convincing her parents to support her financially so that she could cover the course’s fees.

"Members in my family do not often openly communicate, let alone discuss sex," she said. "But determined to learn, I explained my dreams and future plans to my father to persuade him to partially support the costs of the course."

Chau (L) during a talk in Ho Chi Minh City on July 15, 2023, which she co-hosts with health expert Phan Thi Phuong Minh, where she shares with attendees knowledge about cervical cancer. Photo courtesy of Chau

These women have since graduated and are now working professionally, but the hardships haven’t ended.

One of the most common troubles for them, as women working in this field, is that they often face harassment and insults online and offline.

Chau’s husband thus insists she only works with female clients and couples for her own sake and safety. And Yen, after being harassed by both men and women, chooses to meet clients in coworking spaces only and always has her husband present in her coaching sessions as her bodyguard.

But all of them agree that it’s been worth it to overcome such challenges because now they’re able to help others in need.

Ngoc now focuses on coaching couples and women in addition to community activities. She finds that men have trouble opening up about their issues, which she says are not just about erection, ejaculation, and sexual desire.

"The most common problem men I have helped face is sexual pressure," she said. "They feel the need to be more experienced than their partners and please their partners."

Chau, meanwhile, began organizing free talks on different topics to "demystify sex" in Nov. last year. This year’s August edition of "Festival of Pleasure," as she calls her talks series, attracted 150 people. In addition to that, she has helped about ten couples with issues related to desire and communication with her 1-on-1 coaching sessions.

Chau told the story of a Vietnamese-Dutch couple that recently approached her for help. Initially assuming that their relationship issues were related to sex, they realized they were wrong after two conversations with Chau, she said. There were indeed other problems and dissatisfaction between the partners, but for fear of hurting each other, they did not speak out and only came to really understand each other deeply for the first time when they met Chau.

"I don't commit to what I can do for my clients," she stated.

"I rather measure the success of a coaching session by creating a safe space for clients to share their deepest thoughts, as I believe in accompanying them to realize their own issues and make decisions, rather than giving advice."

Yen came to be aware after training that sex is not just an activity confined to the bedroom but involves other activities outside of it, encompassed by five aspects: intimacy, sensuality, sexual and reproductive health, safety, and gender identity. She now offers services in sexual trauma healing, reproductive health care, natural contraception, and sex education for parents to accompany their children.

Yen during a coaching session on sex education for parents in July, 2023. Photo courtesy of Yen

Her most sought-after class is on natural contraception, she said. Using a charting method popular among Jewish people, Yen helps women understand their "fierceness" resulting from their hormonal changes, dietary and lifestyle adjustments, and ways to identify days for conception or contraception. She also wants to change a belief widely held by people that women are the only ones responsible for contraception by convincing them that it is "the responsibility of anyone engaged in sexual activity."

"The ultimate goal of us [sex coaches] is to raise awareness about sex and gender and to accompany people on their journey of self-discovery," Yen said.