I took my mother from Vietnam to Europe, and her loneliness filled me with regret

VnExpress readers share their stories and views on whether elderly Vietnamese should live abroad or stay in Vietnam.

Reader Nguyen Manh Tuan shared his story about bringing his mother abroad after she retired:

"I brought my mother to Europe, thinking she would be happy with family. But she has suffered so much loneliness that I often felt deeply sorry for her. My wife and I work all day, and the kids go to school, so she spends most of her time alone at home. In the evening, my children return home, but each stays in their room. They grow up in a Western culture where living with grandparents feels unnatural. We only gather for dinner, talk a bit, then return to our rooms.

Many nights, I heard her sobbing. When I checked, she said she was crying because she missed Vietnam. I want to comfort her, but the only thing we could think of was taking her to parks, zoos, supermarkets, and around town during the weekends. The rest of the week, she is trapped in a lonely house, unable to talk to anyone or go anywhere because she does not understand the foreign language.

The day we told her she should return to Vietnam, she was so overjoyed that she could not sleep for days. That made me feel even worse."

Many elderly Vietnamese living overseas struggle with loneliness. Language barriers and the loss of community ties make it hard for them to engage with those around them. The quiet, isolated lifestyle abroad contrasts sharply with the social life they knew back home. Over time, this isolation can lead to stress, chronic inflammation, and negatively affect their heart, brain, and overall health.

An old woman wiping her tears. Illustration photo by Unsplash/Jeremy Wong

Reader Kimochi Yamete shared a similar perspective:

"Culture, language, and community connections are deeply ingrained in Asian elderly. No matter how long they live overseas, they still feel lonely and out of place. But when they return to Vietnam, their mood and health improve immediately. It’s like magic.

Many of my relatives live in the U.S. and Canada. They wanted to bring my parents overseas for better healthcare, but I worried they would end up feeling lonely. So I refused. At least in Vietnam, they have their family, neighbors, and friends to chat with every day. Why bring them to the U.S. only for them to sit alone in an empty house? That feels cruel.

About 80% of my friends and relatives plan to return to Vietnam after saving enough money abroad. Every time they visit, they are amazed by how much the country has improved. In the past five years, even rural areas have developed quickly—roads, homes, and amenities are now comparable to those in big cities. Life is convenient, with everything easily available, a warm climate, and a close-knit community that makes daily life enjoyable."