How I raise an independent son in Germany

My son is in the 11th grade in Germany. He was born in Vietnam and moved here when he was in the 4th grade without knowing a word of German. In Vietnam, he attended an international school in Ho Chi Minh City, traveling by chauffeured car. At home, as the first grandson in a well-off family, he didn’t have to lift a finger, not even to pack his school bag or dress himself. He got everything he wanted.

When we moved to Germany, I decided to change all that.

I started by having him sleep in his own room and encouraging his independence. But the most significant influence came from his school. By the age of 12, he could cook for himself, assemble furniture, replace light bulbs, fix his bike, and even build a 25-square-meter wooden frame for me to grow gourds and squash.

In 8th grade, he interned for a day at a store he liked. In 9th grade, he spent a week interning at a German supermarket. By 10th grade, he completed a two-week internship at a restaurant. Now, in 11th grade, he chose a school he likes in another city 45 kilometers away and commutes by train every day.

My son handled everything on his own, from selecting the school, submitting his application, visiting the campus, to attending classes—he did not want to trouble me. As for his studies, I could not fully understand them, so he has been self-studying since we moved to Germany.

He ranks among the top in his class. He excels in arts and sports, has been class president for several years, and consistently receives praise from his teachers. This success is largely due to the supportive environment, his own efforts, and how I have let him do things on his own.

*This reflection was shared by a reader with the nickname Nguoixala in response to a personal essay on VnExpress about Vietnamese teenagers being pampered, leaving them ill-equipped with life skills.

How do you raise your child to be independent?