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Any relationship is difficult and the culture thing is just an excuse

By Tram Truong   November 15, 2021 | 06:00 am PT
Any relationship is difficult and the culture thing is just an excuse
Illustration of an arguing couple by Pixabay.
Different culture and mindset can be a big problem in relationship, but wait until you find someone with a common goal, according to an insider.

I'm Irish, a man. I had a few relationships in Vietnam. Long story short the first one was a nice girl from a wealthy family in Hanoi. She was my landlord and we fell in love. The reason it failed and I left was we had to keep it secret and then later had to get married. The family liked to all sleep together in the same room and wanted me to sleep with other boys. When my partner wasn't home by 10 p.m. she would be called non stop. There was a language barrier too. It was expected we would marry and asap. But i can't accept that mindset. We were both sad but it was for the best. Her culture was too strong.

The next girl was basically a terror, throwing anger fits and trying to get me to send money to her mum to gain interest in banks, trying to move her brother in with us and a friend, using grief as an excuse to misbehave. She wanted me to think she will commit suicide and routinely ran in front of cars and stayed out late to scare me. I bought her an engagement ring thinking she was just in a bad place and I could fix her. Now I see she was not treating me well. I took her family in a trip and paid for their hotels and stuff. I bought her brother gifts and let him stay sometimes. She was smart and good at English but looking back now I was being tortured and I was too generous. She took the engagement ring after we split and a good bit of money I gave her. That was ok but then she tried to destroy my name anywhere she could. It was a bad dream.

Now I'm with a girl who didn't use me, didn't tie family with it and has boundaries with her family. There was no arguments and bad blood. She's from Da Nang. She's pretty patient and is 31, not rushing to marry or have kids. That impressed me. She didn't try to use me on dates and I offered to buy her stuff she'd rather ate in a cheap place and save money. She really appreciates all I give her and cooks for me and lets me use her bike.

Her family are a bit traditional but she knows how to handle them. I get on well with them and often go to eat and spend a day in Quang Nam. Her mum stays some nights here when she comes to Da Nang her mum used to be an English teacher.

My partner is a woman and not a child she lived alone when I met her and tried to be independent. Her mum wasn't calling her when she stayed out late.

Therefore, I think the culture is not the problem, it is more the behavior and maturity of the girl that counts. If her family control her you won't be happy. If she knows how to handle herself you can make it. We haven't had much arguments at all and we will marry next year. She's my longest relationship ever. She really treats me so well and we're always together. We don't drink or smoke and just do sport and watch movies, go for coffee and invest a little in stock. I teach a bit online. She's the best woman I could ask for and came out of nowhere.

I think any relationship is difficult and the culture thing is just an excuse. There should be only 2 people in a relationship and if they have the same goal, to chill and be happy together, it does not matter where you were born or raised.

The opinions expressed here are personal and do not necessarily match VnExpress's viewpoints. Send your opinions here.
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